.. a letter from a friend ..

Dear Shera,

I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out there hang out with all your friends and you'll feel exhausted after. There is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane, you can take care of yourself without any help from me or any other friends around you. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me as one of your best buddy.

And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my very best friend ever. I'm a friend with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Shera. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise.

So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends.

You still got lots of love around you, don't be afraid of hurt and disappointment; it's part in your life. Reality bites!

Enjoy your new year eve's with whomever that person is!!!

P.S
Don't loose those smile and laugh ya.

(Thank you, Mike! That's the nicest New Year's card that I ever received! Thank God for sending me you as my guardian Friend!)

.. anxious ..

Me: I’m feeling nervous trying to be so perfect cause I know he's worth it ...If I could say what I want to say I'd say I wanna blow him away... Be with him every night; am I squeezing him too tight? If I could say what I want to see I want to see him go down on one knee and ask me to be his woman today. It don’t do me any good it’s just a waste of time what use is it to him. What’s on my mind if ain’t coming out. We’re not going anywhere, so why can’t I just tell him that I care...What’s wrong with my tongue these words keep slipping away I stutter, I stumble like I’ve got nothing to say

Lyra: Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth.

(late night conversation with mommy through texting - 00.30wib)

.. dull ..

.. kejujuran itu kaya Ice Cream..kalo gak dimakan...lama-lama akan mencair! Kejujuran itu suatu otot yang harus di latih. .. Kalau gak dilatih tidak akan menjadi kebiasaan..Jadi kejujuran itu harus dilatih terus-menerus supaya kita menjadi terbiasa dengan kejujuran! ...

.. change ..

.. satu persatu telah ku hapus, cerita lalu diantara kita. Dua hati pernah berjaya, seribu mimpi tanpa ragu tanpa curiga. Ku tak ingin lagi menunggu menanti harapan 'tuk hidupkan cinta yang telah pergi.

Ku tak ingin coba, hanya 'tuk kecewa lelah ku bersenyum lelah ku bersandiwara. Ku ingin pergi dan BERGANTI HATI..

.. Telah ku hapus nada dan lagu yang dulu ku cipta untukmu, rasa yang dulu pernah ada kini berdebu terbelenggu dusta dan noda. Ku tak ingin lagi tersakiti dan kecewa karenanya.

Ku telah kecewa, ku telah terhujam. Kini ku sadari diri ini ingin BERGANTI HATI. Cinta yang telah pergi harus BERGANTI HATI ..

.. awaiting ..

Me: I feel exhausted ... I'm tired!

Him: Why? Are you running away again from something?

Me: Nope..I'm just tired of being me. Keep smiling and laughing, even though I know deep down inside I'm crying out loud over something that really hurt me!

Him: Let it go, dear! Don't keep all the hurt inside you! You're a good person, trust me good things will happen eventually if you do believe good things will come for those who waits.

Me: I don't know what should I wait? I've been burried everything I have already. Nothing left .. except my faith on myself.

Him: Are you happy of being you?

Me: Of course! I couldn't asked for more ... I love myself!

Him: Then...

Me: Well, guess I'm loosing my objective of life already.

Him: You're tired of being alone, dear! You just to scared to admit it. Your dignity is far beyond from your self concious.

Me: Define the word ALONE to me.

Him: You've been tired making most of decision by your own, handling everything by yourself. You have the quality that every guys want, you're smart, you're adorable, you're attractive..most of it you are UNIQUE. But, you never realize it. You keep hiding yourself back in the corner where people couldn't see you.

Me: *lol* I'm not pretty, I'm not stunning comparing with other girls. C'mon don't be joking.

Him: You don't trust with all the values that shining inside you! You just don't trust your own inner. Trust me ..

Me: Well ... I do believe most of people wants somebody attractive, pretty and sexy to be with them. While, me ... I'm away from that perspective! So, why would I care if people want me to look pretty or attractive? Is not me? Why would I change my personality for those stupid people who only see me from outer look?

Him: Hahahaha..you're to sceptical with yourself, no wonder you don't have self confidence over yourself! Don't be to sceptic, dear! Most people adore your personality, because you are not faking for other people pleasure. You're enjoying your life by being YOU!

Me: I'm just trying to be ME! Nothing more ...

Him: Well...no need to runaway again? So, still tired?

Me: I don't know ... Let me grab some ice tea over there ....

.........

.. chances ..

This q's often playing around on my head. Feed up by contemplating by our own...I knew the answer already, but I keep asking the same q's over and over again. No...its not torturing but is more like annoying voice every time I grumble again with that q's.

.. But, if tomorrow never come? Would it be the same? What if chance is only one step ahead, would it be another chance? Is it going to be another spot in my life to meet that chance again? ..

Most people often said, that "Enjoy your life while you can. Got nothing to loose, if you get hurt by it, just be it. Stand up again and find another way to get hurt!"

Then, I asked myself..."Would it be my only chance?" Can I choose my own chance? Or can I just create my own chance? Would it be possible for me to do that? ..

.. grateful ..

Bersyukurlah bahwa kamu belum siap memiliki segala sesuatu yang kamu inginkan. Seandainya sudah, apalagi yang harus diinginkan?

Bersyukurlah apabila kamu tidak tahu sesuatu. Karena itu memberimu kesempatan untuk belajar.

Bersyukurlah untuk masa-masa sulit. Di masa itulah kamu tumbuh.

Bersyukurlah untuk keterbatasanmu. Karena itu memberimu kesempatan untuk berkembang.

Bersyukurlah untuk setiap tantangan baru. Karena itu akan membangun kekuatan dan karaktermu.

Bersyukurlah untuk kesalahan yang kamu buat. Itu akan mengajarkan pelajaran yang berharga.

Bersyukurlah bila kamu lelah dan letih. Karena itu kamu telah membuat suatu perbedaan.

Mungkin mudah untuk kita bersyukur akan hal-hal yang baik. Hidup yang berkelimpahan datang pada mereka yang juga bersyukur akan masa surut.

Rasa syukur dapat mengubah hal yang negatif menjadi positif.Temukan cara bersyukur akan masalah-masalahmu dan semua itu akan menjadi berkah bagimu.

(Un-known)

.. stand up ..

Me: DAMN it! I feel useless .. is almost 3 weeks! Hate this feeling ... getting crisis with myself
Her: C'mon I know deep down inside you are stronger than you think. Be it, Dude! You're the kind of person who can go through anything and even when you think it can’t, it finds a way to still push on.

Me: Sometime I feel I want to run away. I don't like this feeling, useless and dumb! I don't have enough patience for this kind of situation!
Her: Well, if you don’t believe it look into your heart, the beat goes on, ask yourself what do you really want in this situation.

Me: I'm Angry! Feel being left behind, un-appreciate feeling after what I did. If I'm not good enough, let me know so I can improve myself .. not with this kind of situation.
Her: I’m telling you things get better through whatever . If you fall, dust it off, don’t let up. Don’t you know you can go, be your own miracle, you need to know you are what you are. People see you as you .. nothing else!

Me: My mind keeps thinking I’ve had enough; But my heart keeps telling me don’t give up, Well, Who am I to be questioning, wondering what is what, I just don't give so much SHIT with this situation.
Her: Dude, it’s like we all have better days, problems getting all up in our face.
Just because you go through it don’t mean it gotta take control. You ain’t gotta find no hiding place; Don’t let your mind keep playing you and saying you can’t go through it.

Me: I'm through .. I just can't take this any longer! I really don't like the feeling. I don't like being a DOPE!!
Her: Don’t be a prisoner in your mind, let your heart be your guide, you will know that you’re good if you trust in good. Everything will be alright, if you follow your heart and it will get better through whatever.

Me: Thank you for everything! You're the BEST!!!

.. analytical ..

Someone told me ... and it really hits me on the eyes! *oucch*

"I don't know why you put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our parents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what everything we heard and we've known really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying"

Am I to afraid to those failure, rejection and expectation that I've been made for myself? Is it because I'm to scared with my own feeling?

Maybe I just like the pain. Maybe I'm wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe I just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop... *sigh*

.. you can ..

Take me where I've never been,
Help me on my feet again
Show me that good things come to those who wait
Tell me I'm not on my own
Tell me I won't be alone
Tell me what I'm feelin' isn't some mistake

'cause if anyone can make me fall in love,
You can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end
If you asked me, I would follow
But for now, I just pretend
'cause if anyone can make me fall in love,
You can

When you look at me,
Tell me, what do you see?
Are these the eyes of someone you could love?
'Cause everything that brought me here,
Well, now it all seems so clear
Baby, you're the one that I've been dreamin' of

If anyone can make me fall in love,
You can

Only you can take me sailin' in your deepest eyes.
Bring me to my knees and make me cry
And no one's ever done this,
Everything was just a lie
And I know, yes I know...

This is where it all begins,
So tell me it'll never end
I can't fool myself,
It's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end
If you asked me, I would follow
But for now, I just pretend

If anyone can make me fall in love,
You can

Show me that good things come to those who wait

.. me ..

Yesterday someone told me:

You are a motherly person. You need extra effort to find your match. Kalau elo dapet lelaki itu biasa-biasa aja, bakal abis elo libas. Kalau dia hebat, dia akan semakin hebat lagi karena elo.

Analoginya : Just like a mother who likes to taking care of everything, every little thing. You build them from nothing to something, you give your ears to listen to every stories and grumbles, after they succeed some of them may forget about you, but you never mentioned it. You do it because you care, because you know good people will always bring good will in your life.

Tapi kadang loe lupa, menjadi seorang "mother" kadang bisa sangat menyakitkan jika loe tahu bahwa perhatian itu tak pernah terlihat nyata ... Nyata menurut loe, tapi bukan bagi orang yang loe sayang ... Loe akan sakit, loe akan kecewa dan jatuh terpuruk.

Ikhlas dan Pasrah mungkin adalah salah satu jalan yang bakal di ambil, tapi tidak dengan ikhlas kekecewaan loe akan hilang. Rasa gak bisa di duga datangnya, kecewa bisa terlihat dan terasa, tapi jika perasaan itu sudah ada...gak ada yang sanggup utk bisa melepaskan kerelaannya. Sakit akan terus menghantui jika kekecewaan itu tetapi terpatri di hati.

Jika ingin kecewa itu pergi, ikhlaskan hati, pasrahkan perhatian loe untuk diri loe sendiri. Sometime what you need is only your own time for yourself, you never taking any moment for your self. You're to busy taking care other people, you put lots of effort to make people happy especially the one you care ... but ...

You often forget how to make yourself happy, trust me people will happy to see you happy; As they see you smiling and laughing every time you always around for them no matter what.

(Lily Fadlyani - Dec, 2008)

.. deepest thoughts ..

Him: Come on. Tell me. Where have you been?
Me: I've been trying to forget you and forgive you.
Him: Did you succeed?
Me: No.

Me: It's not meant to be.
Him: No, don't say that. Something must've happened.

Me: One man I can never meet. You, I would like to give my whole heart to.
Him: I sometimes feel as if I'm invisible, as if no one can see me at all.

Me: Let me let you go.
Him: Don't give up on me.

Me: I waited.

.. single ..

If you ain't got no money
If you're independent, get your money, boy

Deticate man, my favorite song
Single men, you can't go wrong

If you came here by yourself tonight,
Cause he wouldn't pick up the phone
He was supposed to bring you here tonight
Couldn't find him, so you came alone

It don't matter cause you're here now
And the music you're enjoying
So for the next couple minutes,
Perhaps, I can be your boyfriend

If you're single,
Single... you don't gotta be alone tonight
Single... just pretend that i'm your man tonight

Said, you ain't gotta be alone
I'll be your boyfriend

He don't tell you that you're beautiful
Let me tell it to you to the beat
He don't tell you that he loves you
Let me sing it in a harmony

Let my song get you higher (higher...)
Cause we don't ever have to come back down
if you should miss me

.. just pretend even though the situation is not the same, you'd be bother with many voices. Just pretend ..

.. cry ..

I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
'cause I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Never got the whole in love thing

My mind is gone, I'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When I heard about it ... is like a thunder happened in day light!
Now I'm, in this condition
And I've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

'cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe 'cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I should've never let you hold me
I didn't give to you on purpose
Can't figure out how you stole my heart

How did I get here with you, I'll never know?
I never meant to let it get so, personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

All my life...

.. i'm done ..

I wasn't looking for this
What is this
I don't know
You know I was doing just fine
By myself
On my own
Tell me how to stop this feeling

I don't want to fall in love
Just want to have a little fun
Then you came and swept me up and now I'm done so done
Falling madly deeply I
Surprise myself enough to find
That what's become this love and now I'm done so done, I'm done

I can't imagine right now
Standing here, without you
To think that I tried to ignore
What I felt, what I knew
I could never, stop this feeling

Thank you for not letting go
When I said
Let me go
Thank you for timing, thank you for finding
Thank you for not believing me baby when I said

I wasn't looking for this, and now I'm done, I'm done.

.. the replacement ..

"I dont think I want this anymore"
"You've left before, this time you will stay gone , thats for sure"

I had never gone that far; Normally this would be the time that I would let him talk to me out of leaving; But this time, without crying I'm going to say NO!!

Happily never after that just aint for me Because finally "I know, I deserve better, after all I'll never let another teardrop fall"

As I drove away I starts to smile realized I hadn't for a while. No destination, I drove for miles wonderin' why I stayed in such denial ...

I'm done , I'm done ... Said I'm so done
I'm free, I'm free, I'm free ... Free to be me

I inhales an air I'd never breathed before the air of no drama, no more tears drop

.. great expectation ..

.. Good guy is so hard to find, see i train to obey your order just like a soldier, sir yes sir ...

... ur first thing in the morning, got you inside me since day one, bury me six feet deep underground it’s crazy; you proudly would pray for your love too if you was in my shoes ...

... eventhough you play hard to get i never expect you would like me back it’s hard to believe we connect day by day we seize down the gap to the sky we fled ...

... i still remember the first time we met, is like a fairy tale it fast left me drain completely and ever since then i blend with my misery ...

... but everything is different now coming at you when i’m down be a good friend, the most profound ...

... cause i’m gonna do the same thing without you i’m senseless cause you’re my instinct ...

.. in a rush ..

I hung up the phone tonight, something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility; That you would ever feel the same way about me. It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you. You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized and I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone. All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love? Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you? Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away; But I know this crush ain't goin' away

Has it ever crossed your mind, when we're hanging, spending time boy, are we just friends? Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take 'cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last. Last forever, forever

Do you catch a breath when I look at you? Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away; But I know this crush ain't goin' away

.. don't stop till you get enough ..

Kemarin ada suatu perkataan yang terus menari-nari di kepala gw, pertamanya gw pikir itu hanyalah perkataan orang yang lagi mumet aja otaknya...Tapi kok itu kata-kata terus aja bermain di otak gw ... Entah karena emang gw terlalu bodoh atau emang terlalu pintar utk mencerna perkatan itu...

"Gw mau dapetin orang yang sempurna buat gw, di mata gw. Semua orang juga pengen dapetin orang yang sempurna buat diri mereka kan, Sher?"

"Orang yang emang cantik menurut gw, dan menurut dia gw ganteng. Itu udah cukup."

"Gw cukup ganteng kok utk cewek yang emang type gw."

Eehhmmm...sebetulnya statement itu sangat simple, tapi somehow mempunyai makna. Bahwa, kenyataan yang ada banyak orang yang terlalu memaksakan dirinya mencari orang yang sempurna buat orang lain. Maksudnya, kesempurnaan yang di cari oleh mereka adalah orang yang sempurna buat di lihat oleh orang lain tetapi bukan oleh diri kita. Dan gak sedikit orang yang berusaha menjadi sempurna utk orang sekitarnya.

I've been in that situation before. Mendapatkan orang yang sempurna di mata orang-orang. A good looking guy, lulusan luar negeri, rajin beribadah, ramah, gentlemen, etc ... Most likely every little thing in him is all what every girls want deh!! Gak sedikit cewek-cewek melakukan stupid things hanya utk spend sometime with him, ada yang rela terbang 8 jam hanya utk bisa menginap di "kamar"nya, ada yang rela memfitnah agar bisa "mencicipi" bibirnya, etc ... Once again, lucky me I don't have to do the stupid thing except giving him an amount of money to buy a cell-phone (of course for him!!) ... What a fool!! *sigh*

Waktu itu gw terlalu fokus mendapatkan kesempurnaan lelaki itu utk bisa di "pamerkan" kepada orang-orang di sekitar gw, pembuktian diri bahwa gw MAMPU utk bisa memiliki lelaki sempurna itu BUAT kalian...tetapi BUKAN BUAT GW! Semua kejadian kemudian terjadi karena kesempurnaan itu, gw di fitnah, gw di bohongin, gw di bodohi, kemunafikan muncul, kebohongan terlihat, kepercayaan yang ternodai, dan masih banyak lagi kejadian yang membuat hati gw jadi gelap dan buta. Because of that, I've been punishing myself .. the question of WHY, WHAT IF, always running around on my head ... feel sorry because I choose to leave him, and get over for everything that I've been fought for almost 3,5 years ...

Karena statement diatas, akhirnya gw membuka kembali mata hati gw yang udah gelap itu, gw nyalakan lampunya utk bisa gw bersihkan agar bisa melihat apakah masih ada sisa ruang utk gw punya pikiran netral utk semuanya? karena kenyataan memang kesempurnaan itu bukan utk diri gw, tetapi ya kesempurnaan hanya bisa di nikmati oleh orang lain sih. Semua memang akan terlihat indah ketika terlihat di luar, ketika di telusuri lebih dalam lagi rasanya kesempurnaan itu hanya ilusi..DELUSIONAL! Karena ternyata utk siapapun juga dia gak sempurna kok, he's not even perfect for himself kok ... karena kesempurnaan yang di tampilkan lelaki ini adalah kesempurnaan semu yang emang bukan diri dia sih .. kebohongan dia ciptakan agar kesempurnaan bisa terpancar dari dirinya. Well, actually by now I feel sorry for this guy! He doesn't even know who he really is exactly ... *sigh*

Pembodohan telah gw jalanin, kepura-puraan pernah gw rasakan, fitnahan telah gw denger, kebohongan telah gw hadapin, dan segala kemunafikan telah terlihat. Apalagi yang perlu gw pelajari dari semuanya .. pembedahan akan kebenaran dan kejujuran akhirnya memang ada sih, menjadi orang lebih baik of course. Who doesn't want to?

Semua itu baru bisa gw sadari ketika lama-lama kelamaan gw di paksa utk membukakan mata gw dan hati gw terhadap semua yang ada. Gw gak tau apa itu namanya naive atau bodoh. Mungkin gw hanya perlu lebih banyak membukakan mata gw utk bisa melihatnya dari kacamata orang kebanyakan, tidak semua yang terlihat di mata gw menjadi baik ketika gw berbuat baik, dan tidak juga terlihat jahat ketika gw berbuat jahat.

Semua bisa terlihat jauh berbeda jika gw mau lebih berani melihatnya dari sudut pandang yang lain. Lebih ikhlas dan pasrah terhadap semua perbuatan yang gw lakukan kepada orang lain. Ketidak ingin tahuan segala sesuatu bukan berarti gw harus tidak perduli dengan orang yang tidak mempunyai makna dalam kehidupan gw, justru biasanya orang-orang itu yang bisa membantu gw utk membuka mata dan hati gw utk bisa menyelami artinya hidup di dunia nyata ini, bahwa tidak semua yang gw inginkan bisa gw dapatin. Bahwa utk semua itu gw harus berusaha dan mempertahankan jika emang gw menginginkannya.

Pertamanya gw pikir semua bisa berjalan sesuai yang gw mau, what's on my mind is; Why do I need to fight if I can get it without any fight at all...why should I pay for the thing that I can get it for free? But, now I realize effort is really take an important role on this...not only with the responsibilities that could strengthen our faith but also we need an effort to support the responsibilities ...

GOSH!! Why it took me almost 4 years to realize it! I know it shouldn't be any excuse for this ... but sometime as human being we often think even if we know we're stupid we never admit it that we're stupid...even sometime we think that what might people have is better than ours ... (",)

As for me as a person, I often argue with myself if I realize that I did something wrong with myself. Kesalahan sering gw lakukan terhadap hidup gw, pilihan gw dan jalan yang gw tempuh. Pertengkaran bathin terjadi, argumentasi terhadap diri sendiri gak akan ada habisnya, memaki diri sendiri, marah dengan diri sendiri, mencari alasan utk bisa membenarkan semua yang salah terhadap diri sendiri. Apakah itu manusiawi?

A lesson for me; I need to learn how to control my thoughts, my anger and also my faith! That anything happened for reason ...

.. apologize ..

Sometimes we wish for the better
When we have it good as it gets
Sometimes the grass isn't greener
As soon as we find out, we forget
Sometimes a fool doesn't know he's a fool
Sometimes a dog, he don't know he's a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really don't mean it at all

Sometimes a man is gon' be a man
Its not an excuse, its just how it is
Sometimes a wrong, don't know that they wrong
Sometimes the strong, ain't always so strong
Sometimes a girl is gon' be a girl
She don't want to deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don't mean to give it to you
So girl, I'm sorry for the stupid things
I wish I didn't do but I do

Sometimes I wish I was smarter
Wish I was a bit more like you
Not making stupid decisions made at the last minute
You live to regret when its through

(Sorry for The Stupid Things - BABYFACE)

.. tough ..

Baru aja selesai baca postingan seorang teman di multiply, dan kemudian gw coba utk menelaah kembali postingan itu ... Well, biasanya emang titik balik selalu terjadi di moment lebaran festive ini. Karena banyak orang punya pikiran ini adalah moment meminta maaf dan mohon di maafkan ..

Puluhan sms minal aidin wal faizin ada di HP, kebanyakan malah berasal dari nomor-nomor yang gw gak kenal siapa ... ada yang meninggalkan nama tp ada juga gak cuma sekedar fwd sms dari yang sebelumnya ... YM juga puluhan offline message utk berlebaran meminta maaf dan ucapan layaknya penulis dadakan yg menciptakan kata-kata indah utk lebaran ...

“Ada kalanya maaf itu mungkin memang tidak bisa diberikan. Ada kalanya seseorang itu memang tidak perlu harus dimaafkan. Karena apa yang dilakukannya memang terlalu menyakitkan dan karenanya memang tidak bisa dimaafkan.”
(taken from Alia's Multiply page)

Ini karena gw menerima Offline message dari seorang wanita yang rajin banget berkirim sms dengan tulisan yang indah, entah dari mana kata-kata indah itu dia dapatkan. Dulu masih gw bales hanya utk sekedar mengucapkan terima kasih. Tapi kemudian gw berpikir "Kata maaf sudah sering di lontarkan oleh wanita ini, sehingga maknanya sendiri jadi luntur."

Karena percuma buat wanita ini menuliskan kata maaf puluhan, ratusan bahkan ribuan jika dia sendiri gak tau utk apa dia meminta maaf. Jadinya maaf buat wanita ini kok jadi terlihat sangat komersil ya?

Terus SMS juga gw terima dari lelaki yang dulu "mungkin" sempat menjadi penting dalam hidup gw, tp kok kemudian rasanya biasa aja ya? Bahkan keinginan utk membalas SMS nya saja rasanya sudah enggan ya? Dulu gw begitu ingin menunjukkan bahwa gw sudah memaafkan dia, hanya utk terlihat "bahwa gw sudah menjadi orang yang lebih baik dengan memberika maaf, dan meminta maaf terlebih dahulu" .. tp kemudian kok jadi terkesan egois sekali ya?

Muncul beberapa pertanyaan ...

Kenapa juga gw harus memaafkan dia
kalau dia sendiri mungkin tidak menyadari kesalahannya?

Kenapa juga gw harus memaafkan dia
kalau dia sendiri tidak ada usaha untuk mendapatkan maaf dari gw? Terus kenapa harus gw yang usaha terus meminta maaf seolah-olah gw lah yang bersalah ya?

Kenapa juga gw harus memaafkan dia
demi agar dia tidak merasa bersalah lagi karena perbuatan dia dan wanita itu yg telah memfitnah dan berbohong kesana kemari ya?

Kenapa juga gw harus memaafkan mereka karena katanya manusia itu tidak sempurna?

Akh, gw terlalu malas untuk membalas dan gw sangat percaya suatu saat nanti mereka akan menerima balasan perbuatan mereka berkali-kali lipat, karena what goes around comes around.

Itu semua bukan karena gw masih sakit hati, ato merasa dendam. Tapi mungkin karena prinsip yang gw miliki sebetulnya sangat mendasar sekali yang tidak bisa seenaknya di langgar, karena itu adalah hal dasar yang harusnya di miliki semua manusia yang beradab dan mengaku punya pendidikan ya... yaitu KEPERCAYAAN dan TANGGUNG JAWAB!

Karenanya, pilihan gw adalah menjauh dan melupakan. Dan menikmati yang gw punya sekarang. Melupakan berarti memutuskan hubungan. Menghapus mereka dari hidup saya,karena hidup saya jauh lebih baik tanpa mereka.

Oh, well gw mungkin masih punya hati yang sempit dan belum sempurna menjadi makhluk Tuhan. Karena gw belum ngerasa tepat utk memberikan pengampunan kepada orang-orang yang tidak bertanggung jawab atas diri mereka yang mengorbankan orang lain utk kepentingan mereka, dan menjual fitnah utk membenarkan sesuatu yang di dasarkan atas kedustaan...

(thks to Alia, I'm quoting some of her statement)


- Murnikan hati yang telah kotor karena kenistaan fitnah yang ada, bersihkan hati dari ketidak puasaan terhadap diri sendiri, lebarkan hati utk bisa mencintai diri sendiri tanpa kepura-puraan, sucikan diri dari kebohongan yang terus di tumpuk utk kesenangan orang lain, kubur keinginan memiliki yang bukan miliknya, tata kembali diri menjadi jiwa yang bersih agar maaf bisa di haturkan dengan keikhlasan dan kepercayaan kepada kata MAAF itu sendiri -

MINAL AIDIN WAL FAIZIN, SELAMAT HARI RAYA IDUL FITRI 1429H

.. losing grip ..

" There's nothing wrong with the Blueberry Pie, just people make other choices. You can't blame the Blueberry Pie, it's just... no one wants it."

" From my observations, sometimes it's better off not knowing, and other times there's no reason to be found."

" Everything has a reason."

"How do you say goodbye to someone you can't imagine living without? I didn't say goodbye. I didn't say anything. I just walked away."

"It took me nearly a year to get here. It wasn't so hard to cross that street after all, it all depends on who's waiting for you on the other side."

"Sometimes, even if you have the keys those doors still can't be opened. Can they?
Even if the door is open, the person you're looking for may not be there."

(May this Ied will bring lots of blessing for me, thank you for the bless that had been given to me...I'm thankful that God still send me the good one ... )

... king of wishful thinking ...

I don't need to fall at your feet
Just cause you cut me to the bone
And I won't miss the way that you kiss me
We were never carved in stone

And If I don't listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself
I'll get over you I know I will
I'll pretend my ships not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
Because I am the king of wishful thinking

I refuse to give into my blues
That's not how its gonna be
And I deny the tears in my eyes
I don't wanna let you see, no

That you had made a hole in my heart
And now I've got to fool myself
I'll get over you I know I will
I'll pretend my ships not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you

Because I am the king of wishful thinking
I'll get over you I know I will
I'll pretend my ships not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
Because I'm the king of wishful thinking

If I don't listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself
I'll get over you I know I will
I'll pretend my ships not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
Because I'm the king of wishful thinking
I am the king of wishful thinking
I'll get over you I know I will
You made a whole in my heart
But I won't shed a tear for you
I'll be the king of wishful thinking

I'll get over you I know I will
I'll pretend my hearts still beating
Cause I've got no more tears for you
I am the king of wishful thinking

.. parting ..

This is for my people who just lost somebody
Your bestfriend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hands way up high

I know you're gone, I know i'll see you again
One thing that I can promise, that we gon' meet up again
Hopefully up in heaven, prayin' that i'm forgiven
For everything that i've done, and everything I forgot to mention
If feel so bad to remember all the things I've been doing or said ...

And every since you've been absent i've been taking lots of lessons
Why does our life cycle round like a trophy
Even though know somebody took the time to warn me
That you just keep me 'til the end it's just crazy
And everyday i'm wishin' you could come save me
And I know I ain't supposed to cry
It's taken all the strength in my soul to say goodbye

And you never got the chance to see how good i've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I remember when you used to send me message at night or late night call
I thought I were so strong

It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
I wish I could find a way try not to cry

As time goes by
And soon as you find a better person
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
The hardest thing to do is say bye, bye

How come they call it goodbye?
How come the good should be the one whose hurt?
That I had with my pops, he was a good guy

And I tell him I love him until I tell him bye
And whenever I shall ever leave, I hope you celebrate it
I hope you never hated, and they say being apart is gated
But I think I know the code, and let's get your life right
By the end of the road, that's why I drive alone down memory lane
So if I crash I hope ya'll remember me!

It's hard to say bye, bye, bye, bye

(Bye Bye - Mariah Carey feat. Akon & Lil Wayne)

.. N 73 in memoriam ..

I join the queue on your answer phone and all I am is holding breath
Just pick up I know you're there
Can't you hear? I'm not myself

Well, go ahead and lie to me you could say anything. Small talk will be just fine
Your voice is everything. We owe it to love, and it all depends on you

So listen up
The sun hasn't set, I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling
Just hear me out. I'm not over you yet
It’s love on the line, can you handle it?

So how do I do normal? A smile I fake the permenant wave of cue-cards and fix-it kits
Can't you tell? I'm not myself

I'm a slow motion accident. Lost in coffee rings and fingerprints. I don't wanna feel anything but I do and it all comes back to you

So listen up. Look at me straight. Just hear me out
Don't make me wait. I'm not myself. I can't take this
Love's on the line. Is that your final answer?

... Moral of the statement above is I just lost my other cell N73, well that cell was my memoriam. Feel glad I lost it..meaning I don't have to save any phone books anymore...what can I do now, is re arrange the list of my phone books, for sure this time is going to be the choosen one!

Good bye N73..it was nice to have you for almost 2 years...well, I guess I have to prepared to browse another one! Bet this time is going to be GREAT one!!

.. miss independent ..

Got this song from one of my friend..well guess it was only his admiration toward some women yaaaa....Trying not to buy most of the words...Since I'm not that kind of woman .. people might think that way, but as for me "I AM WHAT I AM".

*in-denial mode on*

" Is something about ... Just something about the way she move
I can't figure it out . It's something about her

Say, is something about ... Kinda woman that want you but don't need you
I can't figure it out it's something about her

'Cause she walk like a boss ... Talk like a boss
She's fly effortlessly ... And she move like a boss ... Do what a boss
She got me thinking about getting involved ... That's the kinda girl I need.

She got her own thing ... That's why I love her
Miss independent
Won't you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing ... That's why I love her
Miss independent
The way you shine ... Miss independent

There's something about ... Kinda woman that can do for herself
I look at her and it makes me proud ... There's something about her

Something so sexy about ... Kinda woman that don't even need my help
She said she got it, she got it. No doubt, there's something about her ...

'Cause she work like a boss ... Play like a boss. Car and the crib she 'bout to pay 'em both off ... And bills are payed on time.
She made for a boss ... Slowly a boss. Anything less she telling them to get lost
That's the girl that's on my mind

Her favorite thing to say, don't worry I got it
And everything she got best believe she bought it
She gon' steal my heart ain't no doubt about it, girl
You're everything I need ... Said you're everything I need

Miss independent
That's why I love her"

(Miss Independent - Ne Yo)

... invisible ...

A conversation between friend in a place called TIM HORTON's at Wonderland Rd North...

Me: Tell me your greatest desires.
Him: Tell me a secret.
Me: Isn't that the same thing?
Him: Almost, but anyone can see your desires. No one knows what's in your heart.

Him: Love does things for reasons that reason cannot understand.

Him: I haven't said I care for you since your birthday.
Me: That's a fact, not a secret.
Him: The secret is, I still want to.

.. for love of the game ..

Me: I don't know if I have anything left.
Mr. A: You just throw whatever you got, whatever's left. We're all here for you. You're gonna be awesome right now!
Mr. C: We're all here for ya, we'll back you up, we'll be there, cause, we're not fake. You're the best buddy we have, right now, right this minute, and everything is because of you. You're the reason. We're not gonna screw that up, we're gonna be awesome for you right now.


Me: So, when you're away, I'll live my life and you'll live yours. And none of this stupid bullshit "why didn't you call me?" crap. And "what you do when you're not with me has nothing to do with me" and vice versa. No questions asked, no worrying, no obsessing.
Mr. B: That sounded perfect.

Me: You ever gotten your heart broken?
Mr. B: Yeah. When I lost the Air Jordan 1990.

Me: I used to believe, I still do, that if you give something your all it doesn't matter if you win or lose, as long as you've risked everything put everything out there. And I've done that. I did it my entire life. I did it with the choosen one. But I never did it with him, I never gave him that. And I'm sorry. I know I'm on really thin ice but, when I said I didn't need him... It wasn't because I weren't there. So I just wanted to tell him, not to change his mind or keep him from going, but just so he know, that I know, that I do need him.

Me: It's never quite how you play it in your head.
Mr. B: What about the whole deal thing?
Me: What deal?
Mr. B: You know, you do what you do, I do what I do.
Me: You believed that? I was lying. I was trying to be the man. And I was doing a damn good job of it until he invited me to his heart. You were right. I was afraid. I was afraid he was gonna break my heart into 1,000 pieces.

Mr. A: You're always there when we're invisible, now it's the time for us to see you visible.. being visible is not that bad...You often see invisible person, so it's time for people to see the real you!!

(Hope his going to be the perfect one)

.. man in the mirror ..

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

I See The Kids In The Street,
Without Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs ..

'Cause They Got Nowhere To Go
That's Why Now I Want You To Know

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind,
Cause They Got No Place To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With Me

Make That Change.

.. disaster ..

.. I love her because she has faith on her self, I trust her because of the sincerity that she showed, I believe in her because her genuine way of thinking ..

I truly adore her because of the point of view that she has, could open everybody's mind that we couldn't survive if we're only talking and thinking about what we want ...

Bare in mind .. "what people might need could change our destiny" ..

Miss those simple, short and qualified conversation with her ...

I miss my old ME!

... 2 weeks notice ...

Well...sometime I just don't know where to begin.

*running nose, coughing very bad, and also got ear blood*
What a disaster ...

.. smart people ..

... ada waktunya kita harus pintar, tapi untuk yang ini kita sebaiknya nurut saja ..

... NO!! I'm not playing as smart person here, what I'm trying to say is that I have to defend for my team, not to take instant brief and make it happened in only a few hours just to save somebody's ass or their political position ...

... Saya percaya team kamu bisa melakukan itu, kamu kan cepat tinggal ambil aja beberapa study case yang ada utk bisa kamu justifikasi ...

... WHOAA!! Is not that simple to look at some case study to be justified for a few campaigns that we have. Well, the medium will take lots of space in the analysis on this. Well, not to mentioned about all media (TV, Print, Radio, Activation, etc) that we have is so DAMN! cluttered ...

... Ya kamu dan team harus bisa mengarahkan dan mengingatkan beliau utk hal ini ...

... *gubrak* well, we can do that, but we do need back up for you too, sir! We are consultant and your partner for every communication strategy that your team wants it for all the products and gimmicks that you have. But, if your team doesn't have any plan or strategy for all those that you have, how can we help to defend the campaign in front of the board? ...

... Ya kita percayalah, kamu bisa menyakinkan beliau ...

... Sir, just to let you know, my previous supervisor think that I'm not a well performed sub ordinate, they said I had an under expectation for a brand that wasn't have any active campaign. Are you sure you trust me on this? This brand is very active and the budget is WOW for production and media ...

... Supervisor kamu yang dulu takut ke balap sama kamu kali, atau kamu minta gajinya ketinggian ...

... Well, they're not complaining about my salary when they interviewed me. Well, guess it wasn't my lost, sir ...

... sukses utk presentasi besok ya ...

.. hope & faith ..

... You've got to let him go gal's
How can I when he won't leave?

... I think I know what my unfinished business is.
What?
... him!

... You miss him a lot?
No. I never did. But, I remember the feeling and staring at the window of my car and wishing I could.
... Well why didn't you? Were you scared or anxious?

... Why do you want to do this?
Because I love him, okay? I love him.
... Are you sure that you still fall for him?
No ones ever asked me that before. Well, guess the feeling won't vanish.

*fight with my own voice*

.. reign over ..

.. You gotta trust me, all right?
I trust you.
.. 'Cause I'm getting a better job

.. Hey. Don't ever let somebody tell you... You can't do something. Not even me. All right?
All right.
.. You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period.

- christopher -

.. unknown ..

“So many roads. So many detours. So many choices. So many mistakes.” ==> I made mistakes, wish I wouldn't have to make another mistakes ...

“Do we need distance to get close?” ==> Guess with the distance we could sense the missing link between us.

“Can you make a mistake and miss your fate?”==> guess I missed one fate already!

“When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past.” ==> the past is a thing that could make who I am today!

“When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep walking.” ==> but most people I knew from the past, they're fake.

"I don't believe in email. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up.” ==> virtual is only a medium for faking, not real enough to be part of your life!

“When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?” ==> from the worst we could learn the best!

“After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breath and reboot.” ==> hell yea!!

“People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates - hoping to hit the jackpot. But mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar.” ==> that's why I never trust to any blind dates ever!

“If you are single there is always one thing you should take out with you on a Saturday night... your friends.” ==> friends who never use our name for their own sake's.

“Can you really forgive if you can't forget?” ==> I forgive, but never forget!

..smart people..

"Why would you have a baby with me?"
"Because you don't know how to properly use a condom"
"Point taken"

"but, why you choose me instead of anyone?"
"You've never been kissed by anyone? Why would I go with anyone if I have the seal one here.."
"DARN!! Where did you get that story, perve!"
"You're damn to good for a guy!"

"You know what, I heard that sentence before, end up that men lies about many things with me...so don't make me assuming that you're just like him!"
"Hell nooo...I am what I am!"

"Yea rite...you think you know who you are! Dhoaaa.."

"Are you always like this every time you deal with someone who care and love you?"

"I just go with my instinct ... many jerks wants to be near me, they know they can take an advantage from me. Now, I won't let anyone do that to me anymore!"

"point taken!"

.. chase the dream ..

You crossed the line first, madame. You hammered them. And in their desperation they turned to a woman they didn't fully understand. Some women aren't looking for anything logical. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some women just want to watch the world burn.. as you know they're not proud to be who they are.

I'm hurt. What would you have me do?
Endure. You can be the outcast. You can make the choice that no one else will face - the right choice.

Lucky you, you still have your believe inside you.
-trusting yourself-

.. overwhelmed ..

.. I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms ..

.. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade ..

" I'm not going to fall in love with you, I promise. "

.. fortunate ..

Arthur Abbott: Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.
Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake! Arthur, I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained things to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant.

Iris: Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you.
Miles: Exactly, and on top of that there's the old standby, I can't believe a girl like that would actually be with a guy like me.

Iris: The great thing is I actually do. And I'm about three years late in telling you this, but nevertheless I need to say it. Jasper. Wait, I need the lights on. Jasper, you have never treated me right. Ever.
Jasper: Oh, babe.
Iris: Shush. You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself! For years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday, and telling me that you don't want to lose me whilst you're about to get MARRIED, somehow newly entitles me to say, it's over. This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living.

*The Holiday, Memorable Quotes

... serendipity ..

Met this men on the way back to Jakarta .. He's Indonesian but for me he looks like Japanese mixed with Javanese! Tall guess it around 185cm I guess, good body shape...No tummy belly, his stomach is FLAT! *I'm not saying six packs yaa....Huahaha...dejavu the engineering guy back then! *blushing mode on

It was just a simple q's that he asked .. "Can I borrow your I-pod cable?" ==> the situation was I'm sitting at the back of the boarding room to re-charge my cell-phone, I'm reading some books and listening to my i-pod.

" Sure..do you bring your computer? "
" Yes..I just need to re-charge my i-pod but my cable was in my laguage. "
... then we sat side by side at that boarding room ..

No chatting, no wussy-wussy conversation, no pick up line...even though I eagerly want to ask his name..Hei, when somebody borrow your things at least what you can do is asking his name...YA GAK SIH?!

The plane had been delayed for about 30 minutes..DARN! I'm bored dying in that room, and that guy who borrowed my cable didn't even try to make a conversation with me, as for me...My pride was still on so why would I start the conversation while he's the one who borrowed my cable....*doahh* ==> well actually I regret it very much...MAKAN DEH GENGSI GW!!

Then the announcer announce that we're ready to board, start with the small number of seat...
"Here's you cable, thank you so much"
(OMG...he didn't even ask were I in the same plane as him! This guy was totally over my head...DARN!!)

Then the middle seat...I stood up, preparing my bag and my thing and of course my boarding pass to see my seat number ... I walked very slow, and I didn't see him on my eye range...Oh, well...he's not my destiny, the destiny itself wasn't on our side yet! Hhuahaha..*positive mind mode one

19A ..there's my seat, gues who seat on 19B? IT WAS HIM!!! He smiled at me...and gave some moves to his eyebrow, guess it was a gesture to say "hey we meet again" ...
The flight took about 1 hour and 40 minutes ... no conversation, no chit chat, NOTHING! We just sat without anything ... I hate my GENGSI that moment! Well, I did fall a sleep thou! Tired..I took the last flight back.

And now I'm sitting in my office..guess who's in front presenting the creative thoughts!!

No...it can be him..!! Try to refuse the destiny..

*still not talking or greet him...God, please make this GENGSI go away! *praying mode on

.. up to you ..

Penasaran bukan cinta, sayang.
Hanya karena ingin lebih tahu
bukan berarti hati telah terpaku.

Ingin memiliki bukan cinta, sayang.
Hanya karena tak bisa bersama
bukan berarti memang harus bersama.

...

Aku bukan cinta, sayang.
Hanya karena hati melayang
bukan berarti jiwa telah tergoyang.
(quote from Alia's Multiply page)

Now on everything should be on my own!

.. the new yorkers talks ..

Samantha Jones: The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don't know how to screw you.

(After Mr. Big and Carrie call off the wedding (well, actually it was Mr. Big call)
Carrie Bradshaw: I thought I'd still be in extreme pain. But I feel nothing. I'd like some more nothing.

(After Miranda met Steve (her husband who cheat on her once), and bump in with Mr. Big on the rehearsel dinner)
Miranda Hobbes: You two are crazy to get married. Marriage ruins everything.

(When Charlotte very exhausted with her pregnancy)
Carrie Bradshaw: What makes you think something bad is gonna happen?
Charlotte York: Because! Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you, look at Miranda. You're good people and you two both got shafted. I'm so happy and... something bad is going to happen.
Carrie Bradshaw: Sweetie, you shit your pants this year. I think you're done.

(end line)
Carrie Bradshaw: It wasn't logic, it was love.

... live happilly ever after ..

..thinking..

There's a boy I know, He's the one I dream of. Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above.

I lose control can't seem to get enough when I wake from dreaming. Tell me is it really love?

How will I know? (Don't trust your feeling). How will I know? (Love can be deceiving)

How will I know if he really loves me. I say a prayer with every heart beat. I fall in love whenever we meet. I'm asking you what you know about these things.

How will I know if he's thinking of me. I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak). Falling in love is strong why do I feel weak.

Wake me, I'm shaking. Wish I had you near me now. Said there's no mistaking, what I feel is really love.

Tell me how will I know?

How will I know if he's love me?

(Whitney Houston - How Will I Know)

.. steam ..

Baru aja kelar baca multiply salah seorang teman gw .. mengenai fatal attraction! Very interesting ... karena ternyata it does happened to everybody. WOW!! Dan ada yang lebih gila lagi dari yang sudah gw alamin lhooo ....

*Al, sorry gw kutip lhoo cerita loe di multiply kayanya bagus aja untuk di analisa...(hehehe)

Seorang cewek baru sekali ketemu cowok ini, dan hanya spent about 10 hours together for some project! Gak ada kontak2 setelahnya, gak ada sms, gak ada telepon or email2 or chat2 apapun deh...dan cewek ini keep thinking about this man! And you know what?! After a year passed by, mereka (katanya) akan bertemu lagi tentunya dalam sebuah project yang akan mereka rampungkan bersama ya...WOW!! Ehhmmm I'm not saying it's a dream come true ya...perhaps it's a pray that has been answered by God...no...no...is not because of the feeling that the girl has toward this guy or the other way around ... tp lebih kepada feeling yang emang nih cewek punya buat nih cowok, sampe bisa mengingat every words from their conversation (yg sudah berumur 1 tahun) WOW!! buat gw itu adalah sebuah perasaan yang emang "yakin" akan sesuatu hal!

Gw bener-bener amaze membaca ceritanya...hihihi! Hope he miss you too... (",)

.. worn out ..

" Insya Allah jika kita ikhlas dan pasrah, semua akan berbalik kepada kita untuk bisa di ambil hikmahnya. "

I remembered the word that my parents gave me when I sent them a simple message about what just happened to me. Very relieving because they didn't make any judgment or what so ever ...

My 1st week, I spent most of my time with my nieces and nephews. What a big surprise when I knew that my parents bought me a new car ... WOW!! Well, actually it wasn't the end of the world thou! Hehehe .. Love my new car, enjoy my leisure moment...

I didn't have to wait that long for my next desitination..in only 8 days, I got this blessing .. Thank God for that! I really feel very furtunate for everything...Got new car, got my own apartment (of course from my parents thou), then I got this new place to grow .. without any concern about any personal reason or personal attachement or what so ever for my performance ...

I'd really feel grateful for everything I have this month .. for this June is a month for blessing ...

Now, I'm still on my leisure moments abroad! What more can I ask for this fortunate blessing I got from God .. I really thankful for it, grateful for every fortune that was plan for me ...

*Alhamdulillah*

.. premonition ..

.. what a small world indeed for me. How did you know him? ...

Well, aren't we all socializing with other people? We met at some party.

.. OH NOOO...is not that I'm not grateful to know that we have the same circle of friends...but HIM!! It can't be ..

*a glance smile on his face*

.. tell me you he doesn't know that we're friend ..

He knew already by the time he saw our pictures on summer time, what can be more convincing that we're not friend?

.. no..no.. *I'm trying to cover my face* .. (but actually it was a surprising moment, when I screamed at him)

Still can't believe that from many years, from a thousand miles...I still in the same circle of friend with him .. well actually this circle of friends are very "attached" with my life.

No...No...I'm not using my in-denial mode for this, but I think I already have my own circle of friend!

Well, guess the shit still happening! DARN!!!

A glimpse on the memorable quotes for this situation:

Linda Hanson: I wake up and he's dead. I wake up and he's alive.
Linda Hanson: Something is seriously fucked up!
Linda Hanson: If I let Jim die, is that the same thing as killing him?
Joanne: Honey, Jim's already dead.
Father Kennedy: Everyday we are alive can be a miracle.

- Premonition -

.. go on ..

Mr. X: I think I fall for you..

Ms. Y: You're not even try .. you know...

Mr. X: I try really hard you know...

Ms. Y: Really ... is it me who's flat or what?

Mr. X: I don't know .. perhaps you're not looking enough.

Ms. Y: eehhmm....

Mr. X: What that "eehmmm" supposed to mean?

Ms. Y: Ehhmmm doesn't mean anything is a humming.

Mr. X: Well, in every hum there's a meaning behind it!

Ms. Y: It might for you, but not for me!

Mr. X: You're the coolest and the meanest girl I've ever met!

Ms. Y: Should I take that as a compliment or should I feel sad because of that perception?

Mr. X: You never fall for me do you?

Ms. Y: Honestly?

Mr. X: Please lie to me ...

Ms. Y: Why would I lie?

Mr. X: Is much better to hear you lying rather to hear your blunt words.

Ms. Y: You know me... (with a flat smile on her face)

Mr. X: Why don't you open a bit of your heart for someone who really care for you?

Ms. Y: If the time is rite .. I know the door might open for whom ever knocking on my door!

Mr. X: How lucky that person who know when to knock on your door..

Ms. Y: Thank you! I really appreciate you as my greatest friend. Stay that way ok!!

Mr. X: I will...

*a conversation between 2 friends, who fall for another! The faith is not on their side now, well the destiny isn't over yet!!

.. juno ....

Juno MacGuff: I'm losing my faith in humanity.

Mac MacGuff: Think you can narrow it down for me?

Juno MacGuff: I guess I wonder sometimes if people ever stay together for good.

Mac MacGuff: You mean like couples?

Juno MacGuff: Yeah, like people in love.

Mac MacGuff: Are you having boy troubles? I gotta be honest; I don't much approve of dating in your condition, 'cause well... that's kind of messed up.

Juno MacGuff: Dad, no!

Mac MacGuff: Well, it's kind of skanky. Isn't that what you girls call it? Skanky? Skeevy?

Juno MacGuff: Please stop now.

Mac MacGuff: [persisting] Tore up from the floor up?

Juno MacGuff: Dad, it's not about that. I just need to know if it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever, or at least for a few years.

Mac MacGuff: It's not easy, that's for sure. Now, I may not have the best track record in the world, but I have been with your stepmother for 10 years now and I'm proud to say that we're very happy.
[Juno nods]

Mac MacGuff: In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

Juno MacGuff: I sort of already have.

Mac MacGuff: Well, of course! You're old D-A-D! You know I'll always be there to love and support you no matter what kind of pickle you're in... Obviously
[nods to her belly]

Juno MacGuff: I need to go out somewhere just for a little while. I don't have any homework and I swear I'll be back by ten.

Mac MacGuff: You were talking about me right?

.. tranquility ..

Jake : "Why a dazzling woman like you still single?"
Sarah : "We're apart."
Jake : "But why?"
Sarah : "I don't know... He just... He just stopped loving me.
I don't know what I did and what I didn't do. He just stopped."

~Must Love Dogs~

I must give Sarah a hi-five on this!!

.. the lake house ..

"How do you hold on to someone you've never met?"

Kate: It's kind of a long distance relationship.

Alex: Pick a place. I'll be there, I promise.


Alex: She's more real to me than anything I've ever known.

Kate: I sometimes feel as if I'm invisible, as if no one can see me at all. I never felt that way when I lived at the Lake House.

Henry Wyler: Do you remembering being here with Mom?
Alex: I remember she tried to make it work here... with us... with him.

Alex: This house is about connections.

Kate: [from trailer] Even though this is clearly impossible, it's amazing.

Alex: [voice over] How's your sunset?
Kate: It's perfect.
Alex: I only wish you were here to share it with me.

Kate: It's not meant to be.
Alex: No, don't say that. Something must've happened.
Kate: One man I can never meet. Him, I would like to give my whole heart to.

Alex Burnham: I'll wait!
Alex: Don't give up on me.

Kate: You waited.

Simon Wyler: Come on. Tell me. Where have you been?
Alex: [a long pause] I've been trying to forget you and forgive you.
Simon Wyler: Did you succeed?
Alex: No.

Henry Wyler: So, do you have a girlfriend?
Alex: Er, no... no.

Alex: [after he saw her at the subway station in 2004] I don't know if you remember but, we saw each other. That is, I saw you. You never told me... how beautiful you were.
Kate: Well, maybe you saw someone else. That was a bad hair year for me.
Alex: Long brown hair, gentle unguarded eyes...
Kate: OK, OK. You saw me. But I still don't know what you look like.
Kate: It was you. Why didn't you tell me?
Alex: You would've thought I was crazy or drunk. Or both.

Anna Klyczynski: He must write one hell of a letter.
Alex: I saw her. I kissed her. I love her.
Kate: Okay, my mystery correspondent, I get it - just in case you really are where and when you think you are, you'll need this
[he takes out a scarf from his mailbox]
Kate: . There was a freak late snow and everyone got sick. So, plenty of rest, lots of fluids. Doctor's orders.
Alex: [sarcastically] Snow. Right.
Kate: Let me let you go.
Alex: What's it like in the year 2006?
Kate: Well, I'm afraid the world's pretty much the same. Of course, we all dress in shiny metal jumpsuits and drive flying cars and no one talks anymore because we can read each other's minds... but, the truth is, from the past, not much has really changed in 2006.

Girl Patient: There's always something better coming around the corner. That's what she says...
Kate: If she's not careful, she can spend her whole life waiting.
Alex: I'm married too. I've got eight children and none of them look like me. I'm worried, Kate.
Kate: I would be too.
Alex: [chuckles] I'm single.
Kate: Life is not a book, Alex. It can be over in a second.

I remember when my heart broke.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
My heart couldn't take no more of you.
I was sad and lonely.
I remember when I walked out.
I remember when I screamed I hated you.
But somehow deep inside I'm still loving you.
I'm sad and lonely.

No one knew all the pain I went through.
All the love I saved deep in my heart for you.
Didn't know where I would go, where I would be.
But you made me leave.

I remember when I walked out.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
My heart couldn't take no more of you.
So sad and lonely, hey.
I remember when I stormed out.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
I was sad and lonely.

.. in God hands ..

I looked at your face I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time
I, I saw that you couldn't care less about what you do
You couldn't care less about the lies
You couldn't find the time to cry

We forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us

Now our love's floating out the window
Our love's floating out the back door
Our love's floating up in the sky in heaven
Where it began back in God's hands

You said that you had said all that you had to say
You said baby it's the end of the day
And we gave a lot but it wasn't enough
We got so tired that we just gave up

We didn't respect it
We went and neglected it
We didn't deserve it
But I never expected this

It's part of a plan
It's back in God's hands
Back in God's hands

It didn't last
It's a thing of the past
No we didn't understand
Just what we had
I want it back
Just what we had

(Nelly Furtado Feat. Keith Urban)

.. maturity ..

I've learned that I can not make someone loves me. All I can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned no matter how much I care, some people are just asshole.

I've learned that it takes years, to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.
I've learn that I can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that I shouldn't compare myself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that I can keep vomiting long after I think I'm finished.

I've learned that I am responsible for what I do, unless I am celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in my house, one of my nieces or nephews did it.
I've learned that people I care most about in life are taken to soon from my life to soon and all the less important ones just never go away ...

.. andai dia tahu ..

... Kejujuran itu seperti es krim, kalau tidak di lahap bakalan cepet meleleh hilang di telan hawa panas. Bisep di tangan itu kan otot fisik, nah kejujuran itu otot mental dan otot harus di latih terus biar kuat. Untuk hari ini latihan kejujuran gw, adalah jujur pada diri sendiri. Gue takut, takut kalau intuisi gw mengenai banyak hal salah. Gw takut, takut ketika gw bangun besok matahari gak terbit di timur, atau gimana kalau gw bangun besok dan tau kalau ternyata hati bisa salah ..

.. trustworthy ..

... I don't know rather he fall with my life, but I decided to give myself a chance to be. Maybe true love is a decision, a decision to take a chance with somebody, giving to somebody without worrying rather that somebody will give anything in return, or their going to hurt me, or if they really are the one. Perhaps love is something that I have to choose ...

And I choose to fall with his life.

..take a bow..

.. I just believe in something for what behind of them own, as my hope in love. Is never to late too much, to notice the one that is important in my life and to struggle for that, even I don't know what to fight for. I do believe everyday in my life can be a miracle ..

.. catching on ..

Kalau engkau terperangkap olehnya, cinta itu menjadi kematian bagimu. Cinta bagai misteri, datang dan pergi tanpa permisi. Anda tak perlu mencarinya karena cinta akan datang dengan sendiri. Anda tak dapat membelinya karena cinta tak dapat dihargai.

Cinta akan lahir dengan sendirinya tanpa kita ketahui kapan, dan tanpa kita ketahui kepada siapa. Jika suatu hari pasangan Anda mengatakan " Aku tak mencintaimu lagi. " Let it go. Biarkan berlalu karena cinta tak dapat dipaksakan. Jika dipaksakan cinta tersebut layaknya sebuah bom waktu, yang akan meledak menjadi kebencian. Let it go.

Cinta akan datang kembali kepada Anda suatu waktu, mungkin dari orang yang pernah Anda cintai atau dari seseorang lainnya, Tuhan tak akan membiarkan Anda sendirian.

Lalu bagaimana dengan perasaan Anda yang ditinggalkan cinta?
Simpanlah dalam-dalam cinta tersebut. Kenanglah sebagai bagian dari masa lalu.
Menangislah jika perlu. Berbahagialah karena Anda pernah dicintai, berbahagia karena cinta pernah singgah di hati Anda.

Bagaimana jika cinta hilang dalam sebuah perkawinan?
Dalam suatu perkawinan cinta adalah cinta yang harus dipertanggungjawabkan, kepada Tuhan dan kepada suami atau istri dan kepada anak ( jika ada ). Anda tak dapat pergi begitu saja dengan mengatakan " Aku tak mencintai kamu lagi." Dalam sebuah perkawinan " Anda " adalah dua yang menjadi satu. " Anda " adalah suami/istri dan anda sendiri. Jangan turuti kemauan anda tapi turuti kemauan "Anda". Bagi Anda yang mencintai, ubahlah makna cinta menjadi KASIH.

Cinta itu bersemayam di dalam hati ( bukan di otak atau pikiran ), jika hati anda penuh dengan kasih, cinta tak akan pernah hilang dari diri Anda.

Kasih itu indah
kasih tidak cemburu
kasih itu menerima apa adanya dan memberi yang ada
kasih itu komitmen sehingga seseorang yang mempunyai kasih tak akan melupakan cintanya
kasih itu murah hati bukan murah cinta ( dalam hubungan asmara )
kasih itu rendah hati bukan merendahkan cinta
kasih itu mengampuni dan memaafkan
kasih adalah cinta sejati karena berasal dari Tuhan.
Tanamkan kasih di dalam hati Anda sejak awal maka cinta Anda tak akan hilang.

Tanamkan kasih maka Anda akan bertahan jika kekasih Anda mengatakan, " Aku tak mencintaimu lagi. " ( Berat memang, apalagi jika kita masih mengasihi dia ).

Jika Anda dan pasangan Anda memiliki kasih, Anda berdua boleh berujar :
" Orang ke tiga ? Siapa takuttt..... ......... .."

Sebab ada tiga hal yang terpenting dalam hidup ini yaitu iman, pengharapan dan kasih dan yang terbesar diantaranya adalah kasih.

(taken from id: clampgirl_sakura@yahoo.com)

.. the truth ..

Sebetulnya kalo sekilas emang rasanya quote di bawah ini gak begitu penting bagi sebagian orang yang urat malunya udah gak ada dalam diri mereka ya .. Kadang orang yang tahu benar letak kesalahan mereka, akan terus mengaktifkan control denial mode. Mencoba mencari pembelaan diri mengenai kesalahan yang ada, karena mereka tidak mempunyai jiwa besar untuk mengakuinya..

Quote ini beneran "dalem" banget kalo mau di baca dan di refleksikan kepada diri sendiri sebetulnya (tentunya bagi orang yang merasa kemaluannya sudah berkurang ya). Gw ambil dari salah satu blog teman gw

"jangan keras-keras kalau ngomongin betapa merananya hidup orang lain....ujung2nya, orang jadi bisa liat bahwa ternyata hidup kita sendiri yang menderita"

Karena emang gw sih melihat ya, bahwa ternyata kebanyakan orang-orang yang banyak curhat sana curhat sini, fitnah sana fitnah sini, faking their own stories, biasanya emang secara mental mereka akan lebih menderita sih, tidak terlihat memang, tp we will never know what might happened in their room when they're alone kan? Either meratapi dirinya yang tidak bisa menjadi diri sendiri, atau bahkan sedang menyiapkan skenario lainnya untuk bisa menutupi kebohongan yang hari ini ...

Terus ini ada lagi nih... Quote yang gw ambil dari blog teman gw juga ...

"Do not try so hard to let people know that you are a good person. If you really are a good person, eventually people will figure that out by themselves"

Karena memang banyak juga sih orang yang "faking" diri mereka di depan orang-orang untuk bisa menutupi kebusukan yang mereka punyai di dalam sih, ya karena yang mereka cari adalah teman-teman yang bisa di "tipu" dengan keberadaan another personalities yang ada.

* lucky me I don't have to fake myself to get anyone attention, I love being me, and proud to be who I am. I don't have to tell any lies to people to get their attention or respect and I don't need any faking stories to look good in front of people*

.. into the wild ..

Film ini gw tonton marathon dengan DVD My Blueberry Nights yang di pinjamin sama Dwita, menurut dia "You must seen the movies, you will like it." Dan ketika gw nonton DVD pertama itu, gw sms dia lagi "I really enjoying the movie, thank you for your reference ya..." lalu, gw sempat beranjak sebentar dan membuat hiburan sendiri ya nonton Sinetron yang sudah lama tidak ku sentuh, karena boring dengan jalan cerita sinetron yang itu-itu saja, akhirnya gw nonton film kedua yang di berikan oleh Dwita itu....

Beberapa quotes yang gw ambil dari film ini, which is magnificent and give me lots of encouragement in life especially for my own sake ya...

Christopher McCandless: I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.

Christopher McCandless: Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth.

Christopher McCandless: Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.

Christopher McCandless: If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed.

Christopher McCandless: The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences.

Christopher McCandless: What if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?

Ron Franz: When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines upon you.

Christopher McCandless: When you want something in life, you just gotta reach out and grab it.

Christopher McCandless: Happiness only real when shared.

Christopher McCandless: You know, about getting out of this sick society. Society!

Christopher McCandless: Society, man! You know, society! Cause, you know what I don't understand? I don't understand why people, why every fucking person is so bad to each other so fucking often. It doesn't make sense to me. Judgment. Control. All that, the whole spectrum. Well, it just...
Wayne Westerberg: What "people" we talking about?
Christopher McCandless: You know, parents, hypocrites, politicians, pricks.
Wayne Westerberg: This is a mistake. It's a mistake to get too deep into all that kind of stuff. Alex, you're a hell of a young guy, a hell of a young guy. But I promise you this. You're a young guy! Can't be juggling blood and fire all the time!

Christopher McCandless: You don't need human relationships to be happy, God has placed it all around us.

Lot's of things that we shoud re-think about the quotes above..WOW!!!! It was a great movie after all!!

..my blueberry nights..

Elizabeth: So what's wrong with the Blueberry Pie?
Jeremy: There's nothing wrong with the Blueberry Pie, just people make other choices. You can't blame the Blueberry Pie, it's just... no one wants it.
Elizabeth: Wait! I want a piece.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth: [wiping her tears] How do you say goodbye to someone you can't imagine living without? I didn't say goodbye.
[pause]
Elizabeth: I didn't say anything. I just walked away.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[last lines]
Elizabeth: It took me nearly a year to get here. It wasn't so hard to cross that street after all, it all depends on who's waiting for you on the other side.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Katya: Sometimes, even if you have the keys those doors still can't be opened. Can they?
Jeremy: Even if the door is open, the person you're looking for may not be there, Katya.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jeremy: A few years ago, I had a dream. It began in the summer and was over by the following spring. In between, there were as many unhappy nights as there were happy days. Most of them took place in this café. And then one night, a door slammed and the dream was over.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

..comment..

"lots of men treat us special, but a second later we're nobody to him.... act like they don't wanna let go of us, but don't wanna be attached to us too. lots of men don't wanna loose his 'fans' and loose the attention. lots of men choose to stay in their safe zone.... and their safest zone turns out to be what we called grey area... between yes and no, between stay and go, between dead and grow... loving then leaving... saying something then doing nothing... giving it up but keep trying... this kind of "love" that promising but has no aim, comforting but has no point... AND HE'LL KEEP DOING THIS... COMING AND COMING FOR YOU JUST FOR MAKING THE EMPTINESS STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN..."

komentar diatas gw dapat dari salah satu blog teman gw, dari temannya yang juga seorang penulis. Untuk bahasan mengenai the decision of leaving the guy that she had crush on ... she's willing to let all the feeling gone based on her sudden feeling when they were together. Is just like "sound from your heart" that telling you to let go... She said, she heard something telling her "He's not right, he's not the person that you want to be with at the end."

Well...at least she has the strength to listen to her own voice in her heart instead of keeping herself stagnant in a position that she can even imagine what would it be when I move on ...

Banyak sekarang emang cowok-cowok yang suka memberikan amunisinya untuk bisa "menjebak" para wanita dengan perhatian dan sanjungan yang suatu saat akan hilang. Seperti beberapa waktu lalu gw membicarakan topik ini sama salah satu teman gw yang lagi dekat dengan seorang lelaki. Baru kenal sih mereka...sebelumnya (katanya) mereka tetanggaan. Tapi ya lelaki itu sangat "manis dan mendayu-dayu" kalo bahasa gw sih bilangnya...Kalo SMS maupun nelepon ya manis gitu deh...dan (mungkin) lelaki itu ingin mencoba menanamkan suatu "kebiasaan" di hari-hari teman gw itu untuk hal tersebut, hingga suatu saat jika lelaki itu menghilang teman gw akan mencari dan memulai kebiasaan itu dari pihak teman gw...

Ya gw berharap semoga teman-teman wanita gw dan lelaki-lelaki yang ada di dekatnya, bisa jujur terhadap diri sendiri, tidak membohongi orang lain dan diri sendiri, bangga dengan diri sendiri dan tidak memfitnah orang untuk suatu pembenaran diri yang sebetulnya tidak perlu di benarkan.

Intinya, boleh kita membela perasaan kita, tapi tidak untuk menyakiti, merugikan dan memfitnah orang lain!


* Thank you for the good comment from Titien (thank you to Dwita who shared it with me)

..broken vow..

Tell me her name I want to know
The way she looks and where you go...
I need to see her face, I need to understand,
Why you and I came to an end...

Tell me again I want to hear,
Who broke my faith in all these years...
Who lays with at night when I'm here all alone,
Remembering when I was your own...

I'll let you go...
I'll let you fly..
Why do I keep on asking why?
I'll let you go...
Now that I've found...
A way to keep somehow,
More than a broken vow...

Tell me the words I never said.
Show me the tears you never shed.
Give me the chance, that one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time?

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I and then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes

I'd give away my soul to hold you once again
And never this let this moment set

(Lara Fabian - Broken Vows)

..revenge..

Karena makin bertambahnya usia ya...jalan dan ngumpul bareng sama "siblings" (excl. my brother) adalah suatu hal yang susah banget sebetulnya. Karena kan udah pada kerja, udah pada berkeluarga, dan punya kepentingan sendiri-sendiri ..

Dulu waktu kecil kita semua gak ada yang mau di bilang mirip satu sama lain, hahaha....berasa paling kece sendiri semuanya. Sekarang setelah besar, dan punya keluarga gitu...ternyata emang mirip2 yak! hahahaha...tapi biasanya kalo sudah ngumpul bareng2 sama kakak2 gw...ya karena gw paling kecil dan belum punya keluarga sendiri...terpaksa jadi baby sitter exclusive deh buat para cindil2 yang tidak punya dosa itu... but it was fun hang out together with them...

Yang lucu waktu kita ke IKEA, 3 of us, bought the same sandals..with different colors (but I've got the same color with my 2nd sister) huahaha..my in-laws also bought it....of course I bought one of the sandals for my in-laws (my brother wife) ... Maklumlah, karena berasa kan di keluarga besar bokap itu bokap cuma anak tunggal walhasil ya cucunya ortu bokap ya cuma kita ber 4 deh...Kalo sama keluarga nyokap seh..jangan tanya deh ada berapa banyak cucu dan cicit ... BUANYAAKKKK banget!

Tapi biar keluarga besar, keluarga nyokap juga kompak banget...malah kadang suka curhat2an gitu! Padahal waktu kecil itu kita semua jarang banget inep2an...hanya ketemu ya pas lebaran nginep rame2 di Cirebon gitu...pas udah gede2 kita2 malah jadi suka curhat2an gitu...hihihi!

Kalo nyokap bokap mah, jangan di tanya deh apalagi gw, mungkin gw anak durhaka kali yee...karena emang nyokap bokap udah kaya teman aja sih..Semua di ceritain, gak ada yang nggak! Kalo udah sms-an sama nyokap or bokap udah kaya orang chatting, walhasil gw suka protes karena mendingan chatting bukan..GRATIS! Lah kalo sms kan kena Rp. 250,- gw...hahahaha! Nyokap bokap juga kalo udah sms-an kaya orang baru pacaran, semua di ceritain di sms itu...mana panjang amat deh isinya!

Can't wait to have another holiday with my family...actually with my parents sih! Hahaha..karena yang paling memungkinkan untuk plesiran sama bonyok ya cuma gw dong! hahahaha!!

..all at once..

I don't know why, I couldn't get rid of this movie from my fave list of movies...All the quotes, the statement, the plot, the tagline, the synopsis, everything is really encouraging me to be more truthful to my own life..."Que sera...sera" what ever will be, let it be.

The plot of this movie:
Jon wanted to explore things further but Sara wasn't sure their love was meant to be. They decided to test fate by splitting up and seeing if destiny brought them back together... Many years later, having lost each other that night, both are engaged to be married. Still, neither can shake the need to give fate one last chance to reunite them. Near-misses and classic Shakespearean confusion bring the two close to meeting a number of times but fate will have the final word on whether it was meant to be. Well, isn't life should be happy at the end? People always looking for an happy ending for them.

The Taglines:
- Can Once In A Lifetime Happen Twice?
- Sometimes True Love Can Have More Than One Face
- When Love Feels Like Magic, It's called Destiny. When Destiny Has A Sense of Humor, It's Called Serendipity.
- The love of your life could be in line for popcorn

Some Quotes:
Sara: You don't have to understand. You just have to have faith.
Jonathan: Faith in what?
Sara: Destiny

Jonathan: Maybe the absence of signs is a sign.

Dean: [Lying on the grass with Jonathan, outside Sara's house] Maybe we're lying here because you don't wanna be standing somewhere else.

What a movie, wish I have that big faith in my heart for him...I'm guessing he doesn't have any faith on me...so the destiny would never come. So, probably I better letting it go for now...As for the faith that I keep for long time, will be written as "Memoriam of a Faith in my heart"

ps:
Wishing him a very happy and joyful of life, hope his destiny is the one who has faith for him...Deep down inside I miss him, and I want him to be my destiny, but well everything doesn't have to be what always we want it to be ... letting go someone that we really care is the precious feeling ... especially when I can see the love one happy with his own faith and destiny he choose...I always praying for his smile on his face...