.. reference ..

referring or reference ... i'm not quite comfortable with that word to be honest. is like when we tried to match making someone to someone.

today, i met a person who got reference about me, well i feel honored and flattered. i should be, because somebody talked good things about me, about what i do well they're talking about what can i do best. i'm quite amaze, because even myself always doubt what i can do. honestly, i have a lack of confidence over myself.

we talked, politely i told this person what i have in mind right now and what are my goal, and my ambition. this person seemed very nice, even though she kept trying to convince me that i have the ability and characters that she's been looking for the team. politely and subtlety i said, right now my goal is not looking for any "financial" increment or better position. i love what i'm doing, i love being in this position and still comfortable in where i am right now.

i told her, i may not as good as what she thought. i don't think i will fit with the team, i still lack of knowledge and experiences. i'm afraid i may not meet her expectation. she responded "do you know what are my expectation?" and i told her "that's the exactly my point, since i don't know what are your expectation, i don't think i can manage that. i ain't psychic that could read other's mind."

"you are what we've been looking for" at that second she said it, i'm thinking and talked to myself "well, i don't think that you are that i've been looking for right now though."

is like match making right? we tried to fine someone perfect for somebody, we want someone perfect for our friends, for our buddy, for our cousins, etc. we refer them to some guys or women that we think may fit with them. we gave good background, good impression, etc so people will attract and get connected right?

but,

do we ever thought people have different preference toward their life, their goal and their will. we can't dictate someone "decision" over something right? for sure God give some ways, but decision is still ours isn't it?

i have my own reason why i never give any reference to people, even for match making. if i did (yea there's couples of friends that had been successfully married and their happy because of me) it was coincidence and i never planned it thou. that's what i called "faith".

i'm a bit burned every time people refer me to some body else. i have my own definition about myself, what i want and my goal.

i'm flattered, i'm very blessed, and i'm so thankful for all the good things that people talked about me. but, i have my own perspective about myself and may capability, i do know what i want in life and what do i want to achieve.

Last word ... after the discussion with the person i met today;
"it's been a pleasure meeting you, hope we can maintain the network between us for the future, mam!"

*i've got my free lunch, and a new network, i'm so lucky :)