.. august rush ..

.. It's been a while, so many things inside my head and mind so many thoughts so many learning but i don't know where to begin. I've got everything "here" - pointing out my head, but i don't know how to express it in writing. 

1. is not ok to not have ambition, because people will take advantage of it. Like what happened to me, is because i don't have any ambitious some people said that i'm not performing well, and because i'm to discipline toward any timetable i have in weekdays and too organize about everything (control freak if you can say) some people said i'm in-discipliner (and i would say "what the f**k") and that person who said that is not even better than me for organizing and discipline terms. I just smiled, no need to confront to need to clarify i know for sure that I'm better than this person. This wasn't the first time though. Perhaps some people got intimidate by me because I'm not ambitious and less considerate with negative comments about me. I don't give any sh*t to those people. 

Learning "to know what you want is not making you ambitious person." 

2. even the closest one will get jealous with your fortune. I can't resist all the luck that i have, I've been blessed being fortunate. Raised by great parents, own a very best siblings, i come from a family with good background that teach me lots of good attitude and how to treat others and being considerate. I can't blame myself because of that .. I never blamed anyone for who i am today. Even people don't say it in front of me i can sense it from their voice tone, and the reaction. I read expression (because i'm to expressive so i know when i hate things, like things or feel envy). Please don't blame me because i was born to be fortunate. 

Learning "grateful for every piece you have."

.. i still got more learning but i guess those things are not appropriate to be put in here. I might hurt some people feeling. But, what i learn most is "Is hard to keep sincere people in your life, even the one you thought you know them so well." because even the closest one can take an advantage of you. I should be more sensitive on this. most of people turn out to "used" me for their own advantage after they get what they want from me, they will abandoned me as if "i'm done with you" for me is rude, but well again I need to be compromise right? as long as I'm not the one who did that. 

Still wish i am who i am and still i am ..