.. blessing in 2013 ..

FINALLY! we're leaving 2013. Thank God i can experience the beginning of 2014 ...

can thankful enough for what happened in 2013. Blessing for all the things that happened this year. The good, the bad, the unpredictable occasions, the unplanned journey, the spontaneous travel, and many more!!

those smiles i see, the hatred that i feel, people who talks behind my back, all the people who hates me, the good people around me, good fortune that I've got almost everyday, loving parents, a great siblings, cute and annoyed nieces and nephews.

people who treat me badly, spreading all the bad words about me behind my back. People who tried to make me demotivated ... feel glad i'm still me for all the hatred and the un-fair treatment that i have, because i have great people around me that keep me be me ... it's not giving me any turbulence at all in my life.
Yes, there's a bump a bit on the way of accepting it, but I'm so lucky i have the GREAT parents and siblings that still remind me of who i am and where i came from .. i'm the luckiest person! I've been raised and been taught by the great mentor in my life! MY PARENTS!!

i'm also feel fortunate, i never got any chance to feel un-fortunate. i've got everything i want ... how can i complain? i tasted everything ..

as for 2014, i can't ask for more except to be more grateful as a person. whatever happens in 2014 i just know it's been planned by our creator already. I just need to be prepared for everything. I couldn't wish for more. I've got everything already, i just need to be thankful enough, grateful enough and feel blessed that i am part of the luckiest person that almost my wish are been heard!

enjoying the last moment of 2013, and be prepare for everything that will happen in 2014.
HAVE A GOOD YEAR in 2014 for better person of me!

.. lesson learnt ..

.. i understand, from the game that i played, i watched i learn many things!

never underestimate your opponents, no matter what we should respect them! we play for the love of the game, not to open a vacant space for an enemy right?

Be gentle, and no pressure no matter what! again, you play for the love of the game. winning and loosing it was part of the games right? when you hit the wall get right back on your feet stand up and start running again to get that ball and make a score! It's only a game, no one dies!!

stay chill .. even someone hate you, stay cool! You're not the one who start the fight. You're just players, players for the game that you love. Not to start a battle not to start a fight! stay cool and stay chill! You're not looking for a spotlight in the center of the field right?

Stay focus, stay on your current goal. if your goal is to play then play as a players, but if your goal is to be the winner play like a winner. but, if you play just to make fun of other players, i suggest just to be on the audiences seat rather than in the center of the field you will make a fool of yourself!

some of the lessons that i learn from the game that i played and i watched!

.. For Once In My Life ..

.. for once in my life I'm gonna do it for me! This is the time I've been waiting for ..

Here I am, thinking "oh what I came for?'
standing strong and it feels so incredible

.. focus ..

.. life is made from the choice that we make ..

"sometime the right path, is not always the easiest one"

I need to find my courage

.. maturity ..

 .. I don't know the actual meaning of maturity, but what i know maturity can not guarantee by our age. I learn that maturity when someone hurt you, I accept not to hurt them back, in fact I learn to understand their situation and put myself on their shoes. For some reason, if i want to win an argument i feel that i'm so immature, because i've been told that mature people understand that it's always better to lose an argument and win a situation.

"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect and treat you bad. Let God deal with things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too." - Will Smith 

Agree with Will Smith, because maturity begins when we're content to feel we're right about something, without feeling necessity to prove someone else wrong. Let people judge, don't judge based on our assumption or our perspective better to have others to judge rather than using our voice to raise our perspective.

Even when I feel used by people i know best, i just smile and be thankful that I'm still useful for others. I cried and hurt, because i feel that way, i force myself not to feel that way because it will bring my negative thought toward anyone around me. But .... again i can't control my surrounding i don't know their intention toward me. Perhaps I'm the one who lead them to use me.

I force myself to understand the reason behind it, why they did that to me, why do they even have a heart to do such thing. Or perhaps I'm to sensitive to think that way, i really forcing myself to be better and understand more the reason behind it. I have my own limitation, there comes a point in life where I get tired to understand the situation to chase everyone and tried really hard to fix things. Well, i'm just about to give up and not give a damn shit to all those things! I just want to realize i'm done with the drama they bring!

 A sign of maturity itself, is try to know that you are going to be wrong (well, we're not perfect aren't we?). Understand that we do need people to correct us, and that not everything should be taken as an offense on our character.

"Don't try to understand everything, because sometimes it is not meant to be understood, but to be accepted" - point taken

.. settling ..

me: yea... i do realized... i do have faith! Faith in myself. Faith that I would one day meet someone who would be sure that i was the one!

friend: see ... told you! He's just not that in to you! So .. move on!!

me: I can't say I LOVE YOU! I just can't.. it's not in my DNA!

friend: there were so many questions you wanted him to answer, but you would not asks! 

me: i don't know if i can move forward, but i don't want to lose him!

friend: this love stuff is mother fuc*er! 

me: i miss him .... almost everyday.

- sex and the city - 

.. warning signs ..

.. i missed the good part, then i realized "i started looking for excuses.."

I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones, that I started looking for a warning signs. When the truth is, that I miss you so .. it came back to haunt me, and I realized that you were in an island and I passed you by

I'm tired, I should not have let you go. So, i crawl back into your open arms! ..

- Coldplay-

.. lover in japan ..

.. Tonight maybe we're gonna run, dreaming of the Osaka sun ..

.. coincidence ..

.. forever and a day ..

.. the accidental ..

" .. you don't have to be so right all the time you know, it's okay to make a couple mistakes .."

.. self talking ..

.. God's timing ..

.. denial ..

.. choices ..

own voice

.. leave out all the rest ..

.. anyway, what i'm trying to say .. i don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm good .. i'm really good. And honestly..? i think it's better this way ..

.. subtle ..

.. sometime I have to stop worrying. have faith that things will work out. maybe not how i planned, but just how it supposed to be ..

.. companion ..

.. being perfect is not about you are good in everything, or you made the right decision. It's not about you're right and find solution. it's about you and your relationship with yourself, your family and your friends. being perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didn't let them down because you told them the truth. and that truth is you did everything you could, there wasn't one more thing you could've done.If you can do that ... you're perfect! ..

.. the word ..

.. we all make our choices in life, the hard thing to do is live with them ..
and another part of being human, no matter how painful it might be, is accepting our own limitation!

but who am i to question fate?

.. smile ..

.. i believe we write our own stories and each time we think we know the end ... honestly, we don't! Our life was not based on the scriptwriter nor the writer ... our life is written by faith from God!

Everybody would love to have a happy ending, sometime the story itself doesn't have any happy ending at all! If we could write our own stories, well we would have our own version of ending right? of course we want everything to be exactly what we want.. happy ending, good start, and yet we want everything to be real ... for sure!

WAKE UP!! some stories that we thought we knew is not even exist, we make our own stories to bring out the excitement, our happy thoughts, just to build our booster of confidence! In real, reality does bites, that's why never put any expectation toward anything ...and learn to realize that every reality will definitely pop up no matter how hard you want to hide it!

Don't be surprise, don't lie to yourself or even for a bit! face it, embrace it yet you will feel like a pinch on your skin that won't even burn your skin and it will not even leave a scar on it! Face everything upon you, every journey we have has challenge, and people will have different strategies to face their challenges!

That's why for me, i have my own definition for FAITH and DESTINY! Smile people .. smile!! ..

.. leap ..

".. we may not understand God's plan now .. but eventually we will. God is the author of our life. Everything happens for a purpose .."

.. minus one ..

.. when you say thank you to me, for some reason it hurts. That doesn't get undone even after the good bye. 
Stuck in the midpoint between friends and i don't know what .. being unable to move one more step forward, what's causing this frustration?

sweet talk and tasteless conversation.. a quick one, but it sparks no interest in me. Even when things do not go the way i want ... it doesn't mean i've thrown my life away right? 

when people asked "what's wrong?" i response "it's nothing"  .. this smile will disapears after goodbye .. it's so unlike me!

the more i wish to believe in you .. for some reason it hurt even more! 
because i like you ... i like you a lot instead of "I love you!" .. it sound more like you!

the moment when i suddenly remember of someone that i had almost forgotten, i want to be able to openly and honestly cherish the purity of sincerity of the feeling .. 

(happy birthday to me ..)

.. silence ..

.. to believe means to hope for the best, endure the stress, passing every test and accepting nothings less. I know God has a plan for me, so I won't worry and get impatient, I'll just wait because I know I will get my blessing ..

"Good things come to those who wait, better things come to those who try" -- God knows I tried!

.. premonition ..

.. is not my imagination ..

it's never too late to realize what's important in your life, to fight for it!

"remember me.."

.. un-expected ..

"Everything that happen once can never happen again, but everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time" -- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist 

.. blurry ..

Every thing is so blurry, and everyone's so fake. Everything is so messed up, i cannot live at all, i stumble then i crawl. 
I could be someone, i could make a scene. From all of the obscene, i wonder what am i doing? imagining where i am? 
Everyone is changing, there's no one left that's real! Let me know just how you feel ...
They could be someone, they could make a scene, from all of the un-clean, i keep wondering what they're doing? and I'm wondering where they are? 
No body told me what they thought about me, nobody told me what to say. Everyone showed me where to turn and how to react not to forget to run away.. but none of them told me to where to hide, and what to say ...
Can anyone explain that again to me??

.. playbook ..

The only way to beat my crazy was by doing something even crazier. I love him, i knew it from the moment i saw him ... i'm sorry it took me so long to catch up!

but then, i know for a while; i thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me, but now i'm starting to think he's the worst.

"this is what i believe to be true, you have to do everything you can and if you stay positive you have a shoot at a sober line."

.. hold on ..

The great moments of my life won't necessarily be the things that i do, they'll also be things that happens to me. I'm not saying i can't take action to affect the outcome of my life, i have to action and i will. but, never forget that on any day, i can step out the front door and my whole life can change forever. I see, the universe has plan, and that plan is always in motion. it's scary thou, but it's also kind of wonderful. all these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that i end up exactly where i supposed to be, exactly when i supposed to be there. "The right place at the right time."

There's a lot of little reasons why the big things on my life happens. If i had known then where all those little things were leading me and how grateful i'd be to get there ... well, i probably would have done something like this. because somehow i ended up at the right place at the right time, as a result my life would never be the same.

i'd always believe if you have good intention, good will somehow God will lead you to the right direction, not instantly but somehow you need to understand the reason behind it, why God lead you to the direction that you never think of.

take the leap of your path ... you know i will

.. wait 'till you see me smile ..

.. people always speculate, don't let them get in your way see they say things they don't know ..

.. fight ..

here's come another year .. 2013.
when i looked back in 2012, i can reflect to many things ... fakeness from people, the licking ass person, the opportunist people, hypocrite, and many others about bad people around me.

I might say "around me" because i met those people everyday in my life ... yes everyday! the first about fake people, at first i didn't even know that close with this person and then i have a chance to work with this one person ... first it went well, and getting to the 1st month .. i just realize i'm dealing with the "evil" .. i can say evil because this person is really really mean .. i mean "mean" literally mean as in devil. this person can say many things in one time about one person, in front of you this person will smile and acted like there's nothing wrong with you and this person, but this person will say many things about you behind your back .. this person even say that i'm not performing through email to this person current sub-ordinate? doaahh.. i didn't even worked with those person and this person doubted my performance? and helloowww this person even talked to many others people about me but when this person see's me this person will put a smile ...
yea yea..this person only good in writing email and text .. but not confrontation. this person don't even dare to face confrontation by her self .. this person keep saying bad things about others people, yet she can be nice with that person that she scolded behind their back?? just wondering how can she did that? does she even have a heart?? i never see any magnificent work from this person .. what i can see is that most of this person sub-ordinate worked their asses to cover her bloody mouths all over work place ... this person can be anything she wants ... i wish her a good karma at the end!

licking ass person, there's one time this person said "no body knows that team, because the leader doesn't even know their names" well, the team that i worked with is not a team that eagerly looking for an outstanding person without any works ... we keep our works as our hobby where we do the things that we like to do .. not to please some people to make us look good. then suddenly this person is get into our team .. and getting attached with one of the leader in our team .. then i started to wondering "is it because that this person has no one to be attached?" or "is this person doesn't have any follower to please her?" what i can remember from this person is that this person voice is soo loud .. as if the office is her home where she can asked people to be her assistant .. i mean assistant as a slave .. gosh!! just wondering how can this person work with that tone of voice? the affair that this person had? the attitude? yea yea .. some people tend to change when they don't have any friends left .. poor you! I wish her to lick the best ass ever for this person entire career.

as for the opportunist and hypocrite .. well, i might say i've seen this people my entire life. this kind of person only see's the best opportunity for them .. yes for them not for others, they always focus on themselves everything is about ME ME and ME! they craving for a center of attention eagerly to be seen .. no matter how hard it is they need to be visible... even though they need to kill someone they will to do it!

well most of it, my 2012 is not quite a good journey thou .. since 2013 i will be dealing with lots more of above people around me .. scary, but i have to face it
perhaps i can learn to be one of them thou ... i guess to be the FAKE PEOPLE is the easiest one :)

WELCOMING 2013 with a new battle in me!!!