.. leap year ..

“when life surprises you, don’t be afraid to take a leap of faith.”

When my 60 seconds came around i realized i had everything i ever wanted… but nothing i really needed. and i think what i need was some where there. and i came all the way to see if he maybe think so too. If he does, well… i don’t really have plans past that, which is new for me (of course it take me years to do so). So, i should probably learn his middle name (if he has any), i will tell him my proposal; i propose we not make plans, i propose we give this thing a chance and let it work out how it works out. so what do you say, do you wanna not make plans with me?

(i just love living without any plans)

.. run ..

i'm scared that i will start believing a little less, then little less and little less... and suddenly i lose it all. it SUCK!

what am i supposed to do with it? start to believing again? believing in CHEMISTRY?
to have the chemistry i need TIMING isn't it?

but, TIMING is a bitch!

.. request ..

\bi-ˈhest, bē-\ (behest) this is the 3rd words that i aware for this year.
the definition of it: an authoritative order : command (in-formal), but in formal definition it is being asked or ordered by someone.

for some people, this word will have a negative impact. honestly i found this word very demanding, because it is very easy (yes i underline the word VERY EASY) to give an order to person, and let people do the rest.

"please spare a sit for me" or "would you please booked ...." or maybe "write this for me..." perhaps it might sound "can you check..." GOSH!! at first i found the word "please" is very polite and full of respect, because people used it to ask a favor from others.

but now, i found it the word "please" has lost it's meaning! i'm the kind of person who doesn't take any order from anyone, except my parents and my siblings (of course include my nieces and nephews). because sometime people whose giving an order doesn't even "think" or even aware the request or the tasks!

so, the behest is for the sake giving away the tasks that has been assigned to that one person by giving it to another person to handle and finish! what a lame! and i really hate that kind of person. in my understanding, that kind of person is un-responsible (i might define it with a harsh word thou).

i'm wishing i wouldn't be that kind of person, if i have some tasks i will try my best to finish it, and not hand that tasks to other people to finish it and claim it! *knock on wood*

i may not be smart, but at least i have my pride over my brain and my thinking!

.. Chronicles ..

Second word that i learn in this year, is 'power' ...
After watching a movie, i just realize it will be a disaster if you have the 'power' with rage in you.

We'll not using the power in right way, instead we will use it to fulfill our rage. To take a revenge, to see and enjoy where lots of people suffering and hurt because of the power that we have. The statement that (maybe) suit with the situation if we get the power is 'the power is in my hand, i can do whatever i want with it!'

I'm so grateful i never get that kind of power to make other people suffer or hurt. God is always been good to me, to what i did, my action even my statement. So grateful and so bless.

I have my hate and of course i feel rage too. Sometimes i wish i could do some revenge to people who hurt me, but then again God always remind me something good. No need for rage to take conrol the hate inside of me, no need to do any revenge. So ... Let's leave it to the faith and karma.

If i have the power, i will have my own rules over it!

.. ambition ..

word that i learn for this month, AMBITION .. try to look after this word and a definition of it.

ambitious: describe a person who wishes to rise above one present position or condition. the ambitious person wishes to attain worldly success, and puts forth effort toward this end.

the other definition for ambitious for social position, where this one person especially in wealth, can be characterized by energy and daring in undertaking projects, where the aspiring person wishes to rise to higher level or plane, or to attain some end above ordinary expectations.

well, i may say perhaps for some ambitious people they tend to do anything to get what they want. perhaps, some of them may not consider hurting others or ignoring the needs of others.

honestly, i still don't get the idea of being "ambitious", chasing after what we want and what we eagerly aim for. until today, i'm still browse the definition of "ambition" itself. does it has any positive impact if we sacrificing the good relationship between others? i mean does it has to be that "nasty" to get what we want?

Corruption, collision, nepotism, etc are part of the ambition process right? most of people will take a short cut to define the "ambition", the word "ambitious" itself is referring to singular right? it can't be an "ambitious" for a team, a group or community because there's always be this ONE WINNER for this "ambition" thing.

may God bless all the "ambitious" people and have other people suffer from it's ambition.

.. gap ..

I’m not ready yet!

“are you here?”

(A Gifted Man - Michael Holt calling Anna Paul spirit’s)

.. reference ..

referring or reference ... i'm not quite comfortable with that word to be honest. is like when we tried to match making someone to someone.

today, i met a person who got reference about me, well i feel honored and flattered. i should be, because somebody talked good things about me, about what i do well they're talking about what can i do best. i'm quite amaze, because even myself always doubt what i can do. honestly, i have a lack of confidence over myself.

we talked, politely i told this person what i have in mind right now and what are my goal, and my ambition. this person seemed very nice, even though she kept trying to convince me that i have the ability and characters that she's been looking for the team. politely and subtlety i said, right now my goal is not looking for any "financial" increment or better position. i love what i'm doing, i love being in this position and still comfortable in where i am right now.

i told her, i may not as good as what she thought. i don't think i will fit with the team, i still lack of knowledge and experiences. i'm afraid i may not meet her expectation. she responded "do you know what are my expectation?" and i told her "that's the exactly my point, since i don't know what are your expectation, i don't think i can manage that. i ain't psychic that could read other's mind."

"you are what we've been looking for" at that second she said it, i'm thinking and talked to myself "well, i don't think that you are that i've been looking for right now though."

is like match making right? we tried to fine someone perfect for somebody, we want someone perfect for our friends, for our buddy, for our cousins, etc. we refer them to some guys or women that we think may fit with them. we gave good background, good impression, etc so people will attract and get connected right?

but,

do we ever thought people have different preference toward their life, their goal and their will. we can't dictate someone "decision" over something right? for sure God give some ways, but decision is still ours isn't it?

i have my own reason why i never give any reference to people, even for match making. if i did (yea there's couples of friends that had been successfully married and their happy because of me) it was coincidence and i never planned it thou. that's what i called "faith".

i'm a bit burned every time people refer me to some body else. i have my own definition about myself, what i want and my goal.

i'm flattered, i'm very blessed, and i'm so thankful for all the good things that people talked about me. but, i have my own perspective about myself and may capability, i do know what i want in life and what do i want to achieve.

Last word ... after the discussion with the person i met today;
"it's been a pleasure meeting you, hope we can maintain the network between us for the future, mam!"

*i've got my free lunch, and a new network, i'm so lucky :)