.. the best of me ..

.. because ..

“A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.”

I guess I didn't read the sign at all, I'm sure it must be so much more than this
cause I've never been so unhappy. Everything's wrong and backwards upside down.

It's hard for me to know the reality that you'll be sorry. And I don't wanna see you cry. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, you'll be sorry anyway.

It feels so wrong but it's right to tell you now .. "I feel you"

.. because ..

“A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.”

I think what I have learned most is that… I’ll never be perfect. I’m not talking about just looks or things like that, but in every part of life, I’ll always be flawed. I’m sure a lot of girls feel that way too and I know that dudes do cause I live with a bunch of ‘em. The greatest feeling is knowing that I don’t have to be right.

.. burning out ..

I don't wanna take a step back, but I'm running on emptiness
Just let me let go, it's killing me in every way.

I just can't escape your ghost, the fire you started once is now burning out!
I just fade away, I can't find myself leaving
and it hurts with every breath I take, that I will never know the feeling ...
You take me in ...

Have you ever even noticed all the pain when you look into my eyes
Tell me, have you ever even thought about that I'm burning out

.. inception ..

"Did it ever occur to you that you’re so caught up in trying to make the right choice that you’ve never stopped to consider the possibility that there may not be a right choice, or a wrong choice, just a bunch of choices?"

Maybe, I've got it all wrong in the first place. How I tried to make everyone happy with my choices. Even though, most of time the choice that I made always bring me lots of confusion and un-comfortable feeling for myself (highlight on this ... MYSELF!)
I fully aware, most of the time people never thought about how I feel about the choices that I made (for them).

Sometime, I even have to lie about my choices. I need my selfishness to satisfy myself over something. I need my "me moment" I need to pleasuring myself, I want to appreciate myself with my own way.

Lucky me, I have a parents and family who can always give me those things. That's why I always enjoying my moment around them. They know exactly how to comfort me, with their way. I can just sit with my parents the whole day; watching TV, read some newspapers, gossiping, chatting, or even make fun of myself in front of them. I just love to see and hear the sincere voice from them.

The beginning of everything happened in my life, is all the beginning how I enter the social circle around me. I tried to make everyone happy and comfortable, but I never feel that they making me happy or comfortable.

.. 40 days has pass ..

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more that you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt."

It's been 40days since he passed away. One of my very best buddy!
2 days ago, I dream about him again. We made some conversation, under the big tree where I held a Teh Botol and he was taking some mineral water while his eyes is empty staring on the cloud.

Me: How's your life up there?
Him: It’s very beautiful over there. I don’t know where it is exactly, but I believe it’s somewhere.
Me: How can you define beautiful?
Him: You'll love it! How's your life?
Me: Me ..? Nothing new, same me!
Him: It’s all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back. If you know what I mean.
Me: .. *I'd only can smile at him*

I still can't believe that he's gone! I miss talking "trash" with him. Shared some "junks" idea.

Hope he's been treated good up there!

.. hiding ..

I don't view myself as a victim. I don't even view myself as a survivor. Living in truth has opened up doors to me that i never could have imagined existed. I feel proud to be where i am today, with my head held high. Im just me. No more. No less. Just 'Shera'.

Where the shy ones have something worth hiding. Either that, or they are deathly allergic to being seen by anyone, and sometimes even themselves in the mirror. Some people aren’t just cut out for spotlights and attention, even though many dread it and at the same time desire it. The shell we thrive in is just so tightened it doesn’t need to be broken, though some who are in it wish it was destroyed completely. And as confusing and contradicting as that was, being looked at is something sick in of itself. To be stared at, for whatever reason and to be analyzed, for whatever intentions. If you think about it, we are sparing ourselves manic thoughts and preparation by being shy. It’s not exactly what we all want, especially if you know someone who is terrifyingly shy, but it’s something we just do. For whatever reason, we don’t like to be watched by a couple of idiots who don’t know when to leave us alone, and when we need them most.