.. where are you ..

You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on

.. unite ..

"When I’m good, I’m very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better."

Keep talking to myself "Truth only means something when it’s hard to admit" it's been 10 days already. I still wonder, why this questions still pop up in my head? But again, truth be told, if you’re looking for the guilty you need only look into a mirror.

“Sorry is irrelevant. There’s no point being sorry about something unless you can do something about it. And you can’t. We can’t go back in time. We can’t change what happened.”

Last night, I met him in my other world ...
He asked me:"So now here I am, what do you want to say? What do you want to ask?"
I turn into him and said: "I will ask God to put you somewhere you can’t get hurt."
He smile at me, then he hug me really tight then before he left he said: "Sorry I don't have enough time to share everything with you, but I surely you'd understand. You've always been good to me! Love you, Gembol!"
I waved at him, my final good bye for him!

" I still feel you, bom! I feel you!!"

... don't forget to remember him ...

I know you are in a better place
But I miss looking at your face
You were so young to die
Every night I sit and cry
Wondering why does it have to be this way
It hurts so much because there’s nothing I can do or say
There is one thing that’s plain to see
That one day we will be together again
And now until then you will always remain my best friend

.. anger ..

“It takes two people to make a lie work: the person who tells it, and the one who believes it.”

The 6th day is already passed away, the anger keep inside of me. It feels really hurt! Is not the anger of being hurt, is the anger because of the truth did not reveal.

"why? why? why?" only those words that keep playing around my head! once again "why?"
I shouldn't get angry, I shouldn't be upset or what so ever. But, the thinking on my head keep running try to solve the puzzle with my own thinking.

gw gak akan bertanya, gw gak akan mencari tahu. Buat gw kalo orang gak mau cerita, pastinya mereka gak mau di tanya kan? *sigh* kesel, marah, kecewa, sedih, kehilangan ... semua campur aduk kaya adonan di dalam sini.

Gak bolehkah gw tau keadaan sebenarnya? tidak bisakah gw tau kondisi apa yang sedang di hadapinya? Penderitaan apa yang di rasain? Walopun mungkin gw gak bisa bantu banyak, at least gw bisa membantu untuk bisa memberikan bantuan moril kan?

Gw emang gak bisa bantu banyak, gw gak punya apa-apa untuk bisa meringankan semuanya. Tapi setidaknya gw bisa hadir ketika seorang teman butuh kehadiran teman, butuh teman berbagi dan berbagi penderitaan. Mungkin memang sudah terlambat..walopun kadang ingin gw bisa berkata "I wish I could turn back time, and make everything in place"

I guess that won't be happened! Ya mungkin emang kadang penderitaan dan masalah tidak semua bisa di bagi ya? Sekarang yang gw tau bagaimana rasanya menjadi orang yang "left behind"

Semoga kemarahan dan kekecewaan ini akan pergi dengan sendirinya. May he rest in peace up there. I'm not mad at anyone, I'm just mad of myself ... because I'm the last one to know about (well, even is only a bit) everything. Sad ... yes, but yea..something might happened on the way to heaven!

.. In memoriam (Barkah Boma Setiawan April, 25th 1977 - June, 10th 2010) .. ..

The first time I saw this man I knew
There was something special inside of him
He awakened my passion and my curiosity
He was so sincere, I knew he'd be there for me

He gave me joy that I never knew
He was so dear to me
He'd help me get through the worse times in my life
I've shared my sadness , my pain, my strife

Whenever I dream the impossible dreams
He assured me that they would come true
He stayed in my corner no matter what life would bring
And I pledged my feeling for him and his family.

Thanks for being my best friend

Just like the rain falling to the ground
He washed away my doubts and turned my life around
He made everything good in my life that was bad
He's the greatest friend that I ever had

For he was my strength

Thanks for being my best friend

What did I give you in return for the hope that he gave me
Just ask and whatever you want
It will be, it will be

Once again thanks for being my best friend

(My bestfriend - Atlantic Starr)

.. angel's cry ..

There’re lots of things out there. Fakes, doubters, liars, prophets, dreamers, lovers, fighters, believers… Everyone fits into a category. No matter what we may say, we all hate at least one person. No matter how we choose to feel, we will always love that one person who doesn’t love us back.

Regardless of supposed ignorance, we all know the truth. It’s this game of life. It’s this mystery. Now, I don’t know how to solve it. But by God, even if I have to battle a fucking dragon, I will get out alive. At least I can be myself!