.. secrets ..

These 3 days I've been spent most of my time with my family and my girls best friends. We talked lots of things, well actually it's been me who kept asking them "What exactly do I want from now!"

Here's some thought that my friends share it with me ... most of the q's are in a area of my own feeling. I just can't stop this "scared" feeling with my own heart ... I just don't know how to deal with the "falling" things!

Quotes 1:

"Maybe you're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe you're thankful for the familiar things you know. And maybe you're thankful for the things you'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that you have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate."

Quotes 2:

"Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more."

Quotes 3:

"Even now, I believe for the most part, love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending, most of the time. And that sometimes, despite all your best choices and all your best intentions, fate wins anyway."

Quotes 4:

"Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn't just about being tough. It's about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don't have to be tough every minute of every day. It's okay to let down your guard. In fact there are moments when it's the best thing you can possibly do… as long as you choose your moments wisely."

Quotes 5:

"Forgive and forget. That's what they say. It's good advice, but it's not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled… old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we'll be lucky enough to forget."

Quotes 6:

"As doctors, we're trained to be skeptical, because patients lie to us all the time. The rule is, every patient is a liar until proven honest. Lying is bad. Or so we are told constantly from birth. Honesty is the best policy, the truth shall set you free, I chopped down the cherry tree. Whatever. The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth… the truth freaking hurts."

Quotes 7:

"People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret roadmaps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.

(Thank you, Gals!!)

.. rapuh ..

.. Dia gak tau betapa rapuhnya aku, walopun cinta tak sempurna dan datang menghampiriku seketika, tetapi aku tetap rapuh.

Dia tidak pernah tahu betapa rapuhnya aku, masih terasa luka di masa lalu. Aku pernah mencintai sepenuh hati, dan aku terluka dan membekas dan membekas buat selamanya.

Walaupun aku percaya "luka ini akan sembuh" .. mungkin masih ada harapan bagi yang baru. Dia sempat tawarkan sejuta harapan, tp kenangan itu terus ada ...

Dia datang bagai hujan, basahi tanah hatiku ini, tapi sekarang bisa di lihat kan? Luka itu kembali terbuka? Bekas itu ada lagi, terkoyak. Darah itu kembali muncul ...

It does hurt!! Really hurt!He brought the scar again!It hurt even more!!

"BISAKAH KITA TAK USAH BERHARAP DI DUNIA INI! SEHINGGA KITA BISA MERASA BEBAS DARI RASA TAKUT?"

.. the distance ..

“Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.”

"Where's the good in goodbye?”

"When you know when to let go."

"I should let him go, when I know I couldn't compete with his expectation!"

"Whatever it is, you've been the nicest person he ever known. He'd be dump if he think that you're not!"

"I'm trying to be!"

"No..you're not trying. You win him over, you know everything gonna work out, you just don't want to face the truth that he fall for you too!"

"Oh, well have a nice rest, and good sleep ya!"

"You've been good! You're always good!"

"Thank you!"

.. pinjam hati ..

Kupinjam hatimu bukan 'tuk kumiliki
Namun bila kumiliki tak akan kukatakan
Kuingin dirimu tak untuk abadi
Ingin kusentuh dirimu tapi tidak hatimu

Karena ...

Cinta tak akan nyata untukmu
Cinta tak pernah ada untukmu

Nikmati apa yang kita jalani
Biarlah terus mengalir
Namun bila nanti ku inginkan lebih
Segera 'kan kuakhiri

Karena ..

Kupinjam hatimu bila ku sedang ingin
Namun bila tak lagi...
Sudahlah aku tidak tahu harus berbuat apa ..

.. a story ..

X: He never wanted me. All he wanted is pretty girl the whole time.
Y: Do you like him?
X: Yeah.
Y: Yeah, and is he worth all this trouble?
X: Well, I thought he was, but you know, I...
Y: Well, he is or he isn't. See first of all, those pretty girls are not half the woman you are. Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it.
X: Is that right?
Y: Yeah, if you really fell for him.

Y: It's not everyday he would find a girl who'll flash someone to get attention by being HERSELF!
X: I don't always have to be who they want me to be, you know?
Y: People perceive you as somewhat...
X: There's a difference between like and love. Because, I like my sneakers, but I love my SWATCH collections.
Y: Yeah, because you don't have any guts to admit you fall for this guy!

X: Well, in my denial I would force myself that I hate the way he talk to me, and the way he walk. I hate the way he drive. I hate it when he stare. I hate his attitude toward people, and the way he read my mind. I hate him so much it makes me sick; it even makes me depressed. I hate it, I hate the way he's always right. I hate it when he lie. I hate it when he makes me laugh, even worse when he make me cry. I hate it when he's not around, and the fact that he didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate him. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
Y: Because, you already fall for him with no expectation!

(Mitnite conversation that takes lots of effort to fight with my own feeling!)