.. friendly banking ..

.. dilemma and a bit feel used by some people. i feel grateful that most of people think i'm fortunate in every way. even thou i'm not into classy branded nor expensive stuff. i'm more into loyal person toward the brand that used.
Yes, i do have some branded stuff, but i wear it occasionally and i'm not wearing it to the office. i have my reason on that .. my parents never teach me to be expose by brand, and never let people judge you by the brand or things that you wear. let them see who you are by being the true you!
rather than that, for some reason i manage my financial well .. i'm not saying very well, because in some part i still have lack of financial management on this. why i'm saying that i still have lack of financial management, because up till now i don't how to do mortgage and i don't know how to do installment. honestly i have no idea the process and how to make one! Well, because my parents often told me why would you buy something that you cannot afford it.

at first i feel good, some of my friends look for me whenever they need to borrow some money. second time, i still feel good and blessed because i'm lucky comparing to them ... but then when the time they need to return the money that they borrow there's some delay. at first (again) i feel it's ok, perhaps they forgot or they still have money to return it. a week, 3 weeks and it's almost 2 months. tried to ask politely why it took them so long to return they money that they borrow? the answer can i settle my debt by installment? *sigh* i'm not the person who like to chase people for the responsibility that supposed to be them. Borrowing money and keeping promise to return it is their responsibility .. they don't need anyone to remind them to return the money that they borrow right?

Don't they feel anxious to have debt to other person? don't they feel sorry they still have debt to other people, and still manage their "classy" life style? I don't know how to put it. But, yet i feel really pissed because of this ... i earn that money, i manage my saving, i even still have my piggy bank at home for my weekly saving .. not to stay classy for people to see how fortunate i am, but more into i like to manage my financial. i still have my financial agenda for my daily expense ... i have it since i was in elementary school. I keep track to all my expense from time to time.

i have my moment when i want to be classy .. i do shop, and most of my things are branded not cheap one, but i still can manage my expense without borrowing any money from anyone. I value every penny that i earn and i save ... if i feel pissed now because people who borrow money from me can not value the money, and i don't know why. is it because they don't earn it? or because they got it from someone that lend them their money?

I never take any advantage from people who borrow my money, i don't even bother them with my reminder to return my money in such a timing that i want. all i want is to value me as a person as their friend not their friendly bank that could give them money anytime they want. i don't want to claim myself as a generous person ... but i feel used by my own friend because of that! and i don't like it ...

i have some friend that often asked for gift whenever i'm traveling, some of them asked me to buy things they want .. and i'm not taking any penny from them. not because i want people to see me as a generous person, but more into i value the friendship between us, but it turns out they don't value me as their friend in fact they taking me for granted. and now slowly i'm becoming a person that is very stingy for every little thing. and i hate to be one of that person!

and most of the time, people who borrow money from me they tend to be more snob comparing to me ... *sad* i force myself to say no to people who will borrow money from me .. but i don't have a heart because they're my friend. we should help people in need right? but then i asked myself... what is the definition of in need if they have expensive life style comparing to me? can i say that they're in need? but they still can afford to eat at fine dining restaurant, hang out in some cafe, going to the mall almost everyday ... is even makes more sad because i feel stupid, my own friend making used of me ...

shall i become one of them, and say i don't have extra money for people to borrow? can i be that strict on this? or can i teach them how to value their financial thing and start to value their friendship without seeing that i can provide them extra money whenever they need?