.. messing with serendipity ..

some people i met for this year, had their sadness and their disappointments. as for me, yea i've got my own sadness, my disappointment life is all about choices thou, i guess i need to stay bleeding to know i'm alive weren't i? that's why i'm always letting my life go wherever my foot bring me .. walk to the walk, or walk to the talk. name it .. my foot will surely bring me to that place.

i have many plans on my head to keep me going! i'm keeping myself excited everyday, every minutes, every second. i'm always excited waiting for tomorrow to come, because i had today. i shall not to worry about tomorrow. better preparing myself for the upcoming day ...

some events we can't predict, the tsunami, the earthquake, the recession, the typhoon, riots, i just knew that events came to remind us to be thankful, grateful and bless for every minutes that counts in our live! i met lots of people, learn some lessons from them, taking notes, did some review. not every people that i met were nice thou ... some of them were fake, few whose stay true, a bit of people taking an advantage .. once again life are full of surprises isn't it?

i never thought that i had many un-expected things going in 2011 for myself! My mom told me once "expect nothing, and you'll be surprise!" yea she got that right! actually, i'm quite surprise myself for what happened in 2011 for my life ... not everything were nice, but most of them are precious and of course bring lots of surprises to me!

this year i learn how to control my anger, my temper and of course my emotion toward people i don't like. lucky me, have lots of great people around me, family that always been there for me through bad and my dumb moments. but for this year, i'm more in to ignorance person. is not that i don't care, but more to not paying attention to what happened around me. i'm just trying to enjoy being "me" ... and it feels so good!spent most my entire year for myself!!

the only regret that i had for 2011 was, i never had any chance to tell the "one" that i miss him for almost 7,5years (or is it 8 years?) .. and i had a crush on him many years ago, and still i am (now!), but i realize now it's not a crush the moment i met him on Sept 2011 at Hachiko Statue, right then i knew it was called "falling". yea.. i still like him, i like him a lot!

If we never make it back, to who we used to be... i hope God know i've tried! i just don't want to wake up tomorrow with our memories filled with sorrow, i'd rather smile when i remember him.
hoping when he found someone (or he already has someone) i won't even fight, and i won't forget to always remember him. felling him is the hardest, i've been missing him the longest without seeing him, or hearing his voice! the way he acted, well i don't blame him but anyway he's always on my mind.

so, i said to myself i have to let my heart move on, even i will never forget that january to december i'd always remember him! i will walk through life, no i won't regret this feeling. i won't forget the feeling and will always remember this feeling!

i just want to smile every time i remember him! i won't even fight it this time ...

there you go .. i said it! welcoming 2012 with lots of smile and open arms!

life's go on, so does my life!
do more, give more and love more! That's new year all about!!

.. pay it forward ..

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

Steve Jobs

.. cynical ..

.. and I have come to realize that he's just a guy, a special one maybe, but he's not mine. And I don't need to do things to make him love me. If he wanted to he would ..

"noted!"

.. the one that got away ..

I'm not even gonna get mad anymore. I'm just going to learn to expect the lowest out of the people I thought the highest of.

.. un-plan ..

“what are you going to do with your life?" that question appearing in my head this morning.

in one way or another it seemed that people had been asking me for this like... forever; my parents, friends, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still i were no nearer an answer... have no clue about it.

"Live each day as if it's your last", that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? what if it rained or i would felt a bit glandy? it just wasn't practical. better by far to be good and courageous and bold and to make difference. not changing the world exactly, but the bit around me. cherish my friends, stay true to my principles, live passionately and fully and well. experience new things. love and be loved, if i ever get the chance.... again!”

.. un-told ..

me: Even though this is clearly impossible, it's amazing!
myself: It's not meant to be.
me: No, don't say that. Something must've happened.
myself: One man I can never meet. Him, I would like to give my whole heart to.
me: Don't give up on him.
myself: I'll wait!

(Lake House)

.. one day ..

most of people asked me the same question. "why are you still single?"
to answer those question, my response is simple "well, i'm alone but that doesn't mean i'm lonely thou.."

i have a great family, and have a blessing friends around me. not many, but most of them are bring me lots of blessing. nothing to complain. some of them asked "don't you need some shoulder to cry on when you needed?". and to answer that question i said "i have my imaginary friend that always appear whenever i need it." well i rather to keep it for myself.

well, the story of my life is i keep everything at a distance. include my feeling for ... HIM!

It's nice.
It's safe.

no one get hurts ... lovely!