.. I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms ..
.. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade ..
" I'm not going to fall in love with you, I promise. "
Sunday, June 29, 2008
.. fortunate ..
Arthur Abbott: Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.
Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake! Arthur, I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained things to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant.
Iris: Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you.
Miles: Exactly, and on top of that there's the old standby, I can't believe a girl like that would actually be with a guy like me.
Iris: The great thing is I actually do. And I'm about three years late in telling you this, but nevertheless I need to say it. Jasper. Wait, I need the lights on. Jasper, you have never treated me right. Ever.
Jasper: Oh, babe.
Iris: Shush. You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself! For years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday, and telling me that you don't want to lose me whilst you're about to get MARRIED, somehow newly entitles me to say, it's over. This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living.
*The Holiday, Memorable Quotes
Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake! Arthur, I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained things to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant.
Iris: Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you.
Miles: Exactly, and on top of that there's the old standby, I can't believe a girl like that would actually be with a guy like me.
Iris: The great thing is I actually do. And I'm about three years late in telling you this, but nevertheless I need to say it. Jasper. Wait, I need the lights on. Jasper, you have never treated me right. Ever.
Jasper: Oh, babe.
Iris: Shush. You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself! For years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday, and telling me that you don't want to lose me whilst you're about to get MARRIED, somehow newly entitles me to say, it's over. This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living.
*The Holiday, Memorable Quotes
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
... serendipity ..
Met this men on the way back to Jakarta .. He's Indonesian but for me he looks like Japanese mixed with Javanese! Tall guess it around 185cm I guess, good body shape...No tummy belly, his stomach is FLAT! *I'm not saying six packs yaa....Huahaha...dejavu the engineering guy back then! *blushing mode on
It was just a simple q's that he asked .. "Can I borrow your I-pod cable?" ==> the situation was I'm sitting at the back of the boarding room to re-charge my cell-phone, I'm reading some books and listening to my i-pod.
" Sure..do you bring your computer? "
" Yes..I just need to re-charge my i-pod but my cable was in my laguage. "
... then we sat side by side at that boarding room ..
No chatting, no wussy-wussy conversation, no pick up line...even though I eagerly want to ask his name..Hei, when somebody borrow your things at least what you can do is asking his name...YA GAK SIH?!
The plane had been delayed for about 30 minutes..DARN! I'm bored dying in that room, and that guy who borrowed my cable didn't even try to make a conversation with me, as for me...My pride was still on so why would I start the conversation while he's the one who borrowed my cable....*doahh* ==> well actually I regret it very much...MAKAN DEH GENGSI GW!!
Then the announcer announce that we're ready to board, start with the small number of seat...
"Here's you cable, thank you so much"
(OMG...he didn't even ask were I in the same plane as him! This guy was totally over my head...DARN!!)
Then the middle seat...I stood up, preparing my bag and my thing and of course my boarding pass to see my seat number ... I walked very slow, and I didn't see him on my eye range...Oh, well...he's not my destiny, the destiny itself wasn't on our side yet! Hhuahaha..*positive mind mode one
19A ..there's my seat, gues who seat on 19B? IT WAS HIM!!! He smiled at me...and gave some moves to his eyebrow, guess it was a gesture to say "hey we meet again" ...
The flight took about 1 hour and 40 minutes ... no conversation, no chit chat, NOTHING! We just sat without anything ... I hate my GENGSI that moment! Well, I did fall a sleep thou! Tired..I took the last flight back.
And now I'm sitting in my office..guess who's in front presenting the creative thoughts!!
No...it can be him..!! Try to refuse the destiny..
*still not talking or greet him...God, please make this GENGSI go away! *praying mode on
It was just a simple q's that he asked .. "Can I borrow your I-pod cable?" ==> the situation was I'm sitting at the back of the boarding room to re-charge my cell-phone, I'm reading some books and listening to my i-pod.
" Sure..do you bring your computer? "
" Yes..I just need to re-charge my i-pod but my cable was in my laguage. "
... then we sat side by side at that boarding room ..
No chatting, no wussy-wussy conversation, no pick up line...even though I eagerly want to ask his name..Hei, when somebody borrow your things at least what you can do is asking his name...YA GAK SIH?!
The plane had been delayed for about 30 minutes..DARN! I'm bored dying in that room, and that guy who borrowed my cable didn't even try to make a conversation with me, as for me...My pride was still on so why would I start the conversation while he's the one who borrowed my cable....*doahh* ==> well actually I regret it very much...MAKAN DEH GENGSI GW!!
Then the announcer announce that we're ready to board, start with the small number of seat...
"Here's you cable, thank you so much"
(OMG...he didn't even ask were I in the same plane as him! This guy was totally over my head...DARN!!)
Then the middle seat...I stood up, preparing my bag and my thing and of course my boarding pass to see my seat number ... I walked very slow, and I didn't see him on my eye range...Oh, well...he's not my destiny, the destiny itself wasn't on our side yet! Hhuahaha..*positive mind mode one
19A ..there's my seat, gues who seat on 19B? IT WAS HIM!!! He smiled at me...and gave some moves to his eyebrow, guess it was a gesture to say "hey we meet again" ...
The flight took about 1 hour and 40 minutes ... no conversation, no chit chat, NOTHING! We just sat without anything ... I hate my GENGSI that moment! Well, I did fall a sleep thou! Tired..I took the last flight back.
And now I'm sitting in my office..guess who's in front presenting the creative thoughts!!
No...it can be him..!! Try to refuse the destiny..
*still not talking or greet him...God, please make this GENGSI go away! *praying mode on
.. up to you ..
Penasaran bukan cinta, sayang.
Hanya karena ingin lebih tahu
bukan berarti hati telah terpaku.
Ingin memiliki bukan cinta, sayang.
Hanya karena tak bisa bersama
bukan berarti memang harus bersama.
...
Aku bukan cinta, sayang.
Hanya karena hati melayang
bukan berarti jiwa telah tergoyang.
(quote from Alia's Multiply page)
Now on everything should be on my own!
Hanya karena ingin lebih tahu
bukan berarti hati telah terpaku.
Ingin memiliki bukan cinta, sayang.
Hanya karena tak bisa bersama
bukan berarti memang harus bersama.
...
Aku bukan cinta, sayang.
Hanya karena hati melayang
bukan berarti jiwa telah tergoyang.
(quote from Alia's Multiply page)
Now on everything should be on my own!
Friday, June 20, 2008
.. the new yorkers talks ..
Samantha Jones: The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don't know how to screw you.
(After Mr. Big and Carrie call off the wedding (well, actually it was Mr. Big call)
Carrie Bradshaw: I thought I'd still be in extreme pain. But I feel nothing. I'd like some more nothing.
(After Miranda met Steve (her husband who cheat on her once), and bump in with Mr. Big on the rehearsel dinner)
Miranda Hobbes: You two are crazy to get married. Marriage ruins everything.
(When Charlotte very exhausted with her pregnancy)
Carrie Bradshaw: What makes you think something bad is gonna happen?
Charlotte York: Because! Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you, look at Miranda. You're good people and you two both got shafted. I'm so happy and... something bad is going to happen.
Carrie Bradshaw: Sweetie, you shit your pants this year. I think you're done.
(end line)
Carrie Bradshaw: It wasn't logic, it was love.
... live happilly ever after ..
(After Mr. Big and Carrie call off the wedding (well, actually it was Mr. Big call)
Carrie Bradshaw: I thought I'd still be in extreme pain. But I feel nothing. I'd like some more nothing.
(After Miranda met Steve (her husband who cheat on her once), and bump in with Mr. Big on the rehearsel dinner)
Miranda Hobbes: You two are crazy to get married. Marriage ruins everything.
(When Charlotte very exhausted with her pregnancy)
Carrie Bradshaw: What makes you think something bad is gonna happen?
Charlotte York: Because! Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you, look at Miranda. You're good people and you two both got shafted. I'm so happy and... something bad is going to happen.
Carrie Bradshaw: Sweetie, you shit your pants this year. I think you're done.
(end line)
Carrie Bradshaw: It wasn't logic, it was love.
... live happilly ever after ..
..thinking..
There's a boy I know, He's the one I dream of. Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above.
I lose control can't seem to get enough when I wake from dreaming. Tell me is it really love?
How will I know? (Don't trust your feeling). How will I know? (Love can be deceiving)
How will I know if he really loves me. I say a prayer with every heart beat. I fall in love whenever we meet. I'm asking you what you know about these things.
How will I know if he's thinking of me. I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak). Falling in love is strong why do I feel weak.
Wake me, I'm shaking. Wish I had you near me now. Said there's no mistaking, what I feel is really love.
Tell me how will I know?
How will I know if he's love me?
(Whitney Houston - How Will I Know)
Sunday, June 15, 2008
.. steam ..
Baru aja kelar baca multiply salah seorang teman gw .. mengenai fatal attraction! Very interesting ... karena ternyata it does happened to everybody. WOW!! Dan ada yang lebih gila lagi dari yang sudah gw alamin lhooo ....
*Al, sorry gw kutip lhoo cerita loe di multiply kayanya bagus aja untuk di analisa...(hehehe)
Seorang cewek baru sekali ketemu cowok ini, dan hanya spent about 10 hours together for some project! Gak ada kontak2 setelahnya, gak ada sms, gak ada telepon or email2 or chat2 apapun deh...dan cewek ini keep thinking about this man! And you know what?! After a year passed by, mereka (katanya) akan bertemu lagi tentunya dalam sebuah project yang akan mereka rampungkan bersama ya...WOW!! Ehhmmm I'm not saying it's a dream come true ya...perhaps it's a pray that has been answered by God...no...no...is not because of the feeling that the girl has toward this guy or the other way around ... tp lebih kepada feeling yang emang nih cewek punya buat nih cowok, sampe bisa mengingat every words from their conversation (yg sudah berumur 1 tahun) WOW!! buat gw itu adalah sebuah perasaan yang emang "yakin" akan sesuatu hal!
Gw bener-bener amaze membaca ceritanya...hihihi! Hope he miss you too... (",)
*Al, sorry gw kutip lhoo cerita loe di multiply kayanya bagus aja untuk di analisa...(hehehe)
Seorang cewek baru sekali ketemu cowok ini, dan hanya spent about 10 hours together for some project! Gak ada kontak2 setelahnya, gak ada sms, gak ada telepon or email2 or chat2 apapun deh...dan cewek ini keep thinking about this man! And you know what?! After a year passed by, mereka (katanya) akan bertemu lagi tentunya dalam sebuah project yang akan mereka rampungkan bersama ya...WOW!! Ehhmmm I'm not saying it's a dream come true ya...perhaps it's a pray that has been answered by God...no...no...is not because of the feeling that the girl has toward this guy or the other way around ... tp lebih kepada feeling yang emang nih cewek punya buat nih cowok, sampe bisa mengingat every words from their conversation (yg sudah berumur 1 tahun) WOW!! buat gw itu adalah sebuah perasaan yang emang "yakin" akan sesuatu hal!
Gw bener-bener amaze membaca ceritanya...hihihi! Hope he miss you too... (",)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
.. worn out ..
" Insya Allah jika kita ikhlas dan pasrah, semua akan berbalik kepada kita untuk bisa di ambil hikmahnya. "
I remembered the word that my parents gave me when I sent them a simple message about what just happened to me. Very relieving because they didn't make any judgment or what so ever ...
My 1st week, I spent most of my time with my nieces and nephews. What a big surprise when I knew that my parents bought me a new car ... WOW!! Well, actually it wasn't the end of the world thou! Hehehe .. Love my new car, enjoy my leisure moment...
I didn't have to wait that long for my next desitination..in only 8 days, I got this blessing .. Thank God for that! I really feel very furtunate for everything...Got new car, got my own apartment (of course from my parents thou), then I got this new place to grow .. without any concern about any personal reason or personal attachement or what so ever for my performance ...
I'd really feel grateful for everything I have this month .. for this June is a month for blessing ...
Now, I'm still on my leisure moments abroad! What more can I ask for this fortunate blessing I got from God .. I really thankful for it, grateful for every fortune that was plan for me ...
*Alhamdulillah*
I remembered the word that my parents gave me when I sent them a simple message about what just happened to me. Very relieving because they didn't make any judgment or what so ever ...
My 1st week, I spent most of my time with my nieces and nephews. What a big surprise when I knew that my parents bought me a new car ... WOW!! Well, actually it wasn't the end of the world thou! Hehehe .. Love my new car, enjoy my leisure moment...
I didn't have to wait that long for my next desitination..in only 8 days, I got this blessing .. Thank God for that! I really feel very furtunate for everything...Got new car, got my own apartment (of course from my parents thou), then I got this new place to grow .. without any concern about any personal reason or personal attachement or what so ever for my performance ...
I'd really feel grateful for everything I have this month .. for this June is a month for blessing ...
Now, I'm still on my leisure moments abroad! What more can I ask for this fortunate blessing I got from God .. I really thankful for it, grateful for every fortune that was plan for me ...
*Alhamdulillah*
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
.. premonition ..
.. what a small world indeed for me. How did you know him? ...
Well, aren't we all socializing with other people? We met at some party.
.. OH NOOO...is not that I'm not grateful to know that we have the same circle of friends...but HIM!! It can't be ..
*a glance smile on his face*
.. tell me you he doesn't know that we're friend ..
He knew already by the time he saw our pictures on summer time, what can be more convincing that we're not friend?
.. no..no.. *I'm trying to cover my face* .. (but actually it was a surprising moment, when I screamed at him)
Still can't believe that from many years, from a thousand miles...I still in the same circle of friend with him .. well actually this circle of friends are very "attached" with my life.
No...No...I'm not using my in-denial mode for this, but I think I already have my own circle of friend!
Well, guess the shit still happening! DARN!!!
A glimpse on the memorable quotes for this situation:
Linda Hanson: I wake up and he's dead. I wake up and he's alive.
Linda Hanson: Something is seriously fucked up!
Linda Hanson: If I let Jim die, is that the same thing as killing him?
Joanne: Honey, Jim's already dead.
Father Kennedy: Everyday we are alive can be a miracle.
- Premonition -
Well, aren't we all socializing with other people? We met at some party.
.. OH NOOO...is not that I'm not grateful to know that we have the same circle of friends...but HIM!! It can't be ..
*a glance smile on his face*
.. tell me you he doesn't know that we're friend ..
He knew already by the time he saw our pictures on summer time, what can be more convincing that we're not friend?
.. no..no.. *I'm trying to cover my face* .. (but actually it was a surprising moment, when I screamed at him)
Still can't believe that from many years, from a thousand miles...I still in the same circle of friend with him .. well actually this circle of friends are very "attached" with my life.
No...No...I'm not using my in-denial mode for this, but I think I already have my own circle of friend!
Well, guess the shit still happening! DARN!!!
A glimpse on the memorable quotes for this situation:
Linda Hanson: I wake up and he's dead. I wake up and he's alive.
Linda Hanson: Something is seriously fucked up!
Linda Hanson: If I let Jim die, is that the same thing as killing him?
Joanne: Honey, Jim's already dead.
Father Kennedy: Everyday we are alive can be a miracle.
- Premonition -
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