.. Anonymous ..

.. for a minute it was looking like, will i end up seeing this guy in person? I spent my whole time looking for a perfect timing to meet him. maybe i'll never be satisfied, had a couple bad lucks in finding the right timing to bare with his busy schedule. now, that i'm looking for him, why is it so hard to find the right timing to meet him?

i thought i took one step, but then what i did i took two back. i'm not even close this time, that's the fact; all i know is that i want him, perhaps he can be the perfect match for me, with all the weird thing and all the absurd  conversation between us. where are you? i just gotta meet you!

I want to know, why is it so hard to find you? to meet you?
why you're so anonymous?
I need to know ... are you available for me? will you spare your time for me?
why you gotta be so anonymous?

Gosh! I want to meet you ....
I want to hold your hands, i want to stare at your eyes ...
Come fast ... i'm in a rush with my limited time visit this time!

When i think about him, i get a rush! I really want to meet my Mr. Anonymous!
I'd only can see him with my close eyes, can i borrowed your time?
I tried to delayed the sunlight, everything i tried to tell you I failed to. Maybe I'll tell you another time, how he keeping me so pre-occupied?
I'm willing to pay for his time .. never mind!

Tell me what's going to be? just bring me the hook! ..










*please tell him*

.. stand by you ..

.. new year, i never found myself making any resolution for any year that i've been through. what i have in mind is only keep improving myself to be a better person in every single day.
but what i learnt during 2015 journey, was i need to be more patience through all what happened during my career and facing lots of faces in front of me. need to be more diplomacy toward all of the clients that i handled, need to accept every complaints every bad words from other toward me with an open mind. manage all the expectation with positive attitude.

when people see me in their perspective i just need to accept that people have their own judgment over me, which i can't control what others might think about me or feel behind my back. can't expect others to be good right? even me i have my own judgment over people (of course with my own angle)

Need to be more careful to choose with who i want to hang out with and with who i should get attached. nice people doesn't mean they will stay true behind me right? so, never assume good people in front of you will do good behind your back. Need to sharpen my instinct with those kind of people around me, fake people will always be the success one. Well, i might say a few sincere people will be succeed but those who stay fake i found it more survive in every situation.

Sportive is a must attitude that i need to maintain, it will keep me away from hatred and revenge to others. Since i'm not that ambitious over something, sportive is something that keep me away from competition with others that might harm others. Let God protect me from those attitude, i'm afraid i will harm people with my blunt attitude ...

be kind 2016 ..

.. wait & see ..

.. shouldn't be easy just to say "let me get this straight ..." I'm sure if they just understood people a bit more i think a better rain would fall. I guarantee there wouldn't be any harsh word behind people back.

"selfish" perhaps that what people might call me for now, in my defense it's alright to feel lonely sometimes i harm no one. I will riding in the solution that i put out together with myself, i'll pass by all the cloudy skies. Though the tires won't spin line up, i just wonder who's hypocrite that won't step on the accelerator?

Even though waiting isn't my speciality, its too soon to start the scolding. Give me the power to endure what i cannot change, and also to change what i cannot endure. Are they intend to protect themselves with their cold attitude?

Is no fun to hurt, its because there's risk, that i become strong enough to fight. Its impossible not to be afraid. Especially when entire world against you and under-estimate the capability of my "brain", well there's always risk right when you're in social pressure. Nothing wrong with that people, and nothing wrong with me. People have their own judgment right?

I just wonder, if it will be easier if i run to somewhere far away but come think of that there's no way it should be. Because, no matter where i am ... I'm still ME right?

If i set the standard too high, i can drop it but if they set the key too hight can i ask them to drop it? no way .. they will talk about it behind my back with a smile on their face in front of me! Typical ...

Because i has strength that won't change, there's only one point where suffering can pass through --
Don't believe until you see all there is to see ..

.. i wish ..

.. "don't regret anything you do, in the end that what makes who you are" ..

I'm not going to say I'm sorry or regretting things that I did. I said what i need to say, if i don't have any courage to say it then i won't say a thing.

basically i don't even bother with what others might say about me, they decide how they want to judge me in their own term. I don't ask for their attention, i don't ask for their effort to be part of my life nor my circle. i don't even "force" them to be part of my circle, if i don't like them i don't even bother to pull myself out from the circle.

I get attached with people that could bring laughter to my life and my day, why would i spend my time with people who fake themselves to be part of the "community" .. for me, faking is tiring. But, that doesn't mean i never fake myself to please people, i did it because i have to is an obligation (well that's what i thought whenever i have to fake it).

i can share my moments with anyone whom i want to share with, i love to laugh with anyone that I'm comfortable with. When people talk behind my back i take it as "well, being a celebrity you can't please everyone, there's always a hater in every fans" is not easy to be the center of attention.

For every good deeds that we did is not always turns to be a good take out from others, don't expect to much from people because (this is what i think) most people are born opportunist - they tend to look for an opportunity for themselves instead of thinking about others. Some might turn out to be cruel or rude and some might be bluntly showing it that they want to be the spotlight. We just can't avoid it!

in my case, perhaps i'm not good enough with people around me or maybe my good deeds are not visible to those who see me as the main character in my life. Oh, well why bother at all ...

.. flexible ..

.. i'm typical person who doesn't like to argue nor confront, but that doesn't mean I'd always agree to what everyone have to say.

but, when somebody can't respect my timing and on how i act i just can't help it!

"mba, kamu patungan 100rb ya untuk kado ****"
"gw gak mau .. gw maunya patungan 70rb."
"gak bisa, karena kamu masuk itungan Director"
"laahh kok gitu, gw gak mau. gw cuma mau kasih 70rb aja. lebih dari itu gw gak ikutan chip-in"
"kok gitu.."
"ya gitu lah .. gw yang nentuin gw mau patungan berapa, not the other way around!"

and she just left! I never make any fuss for any chip-in amount on anything, but this one i just feel pissed "it's been settled" well, i don't take any order from anyone especially when it comes to some amount of money!

is not that i'm stingy or what, for me this chip-in thing is like an obligation and i hate to define that obligation for this one. is not that i'm being un-considerate but the situation and condition made me like this. I never argue or confront but once i dis-agree over something even my words express it well enough.

in hope i don't have to be the person who obligate people around me to chip-in for something that definitely i can afford to own it.